Update 11

I really don't have much to say. Today was a day where I actually got out of the house for a bit.

When I was in college I joined a sorority, and today was Bid/Pledge Day at Muskingum. So I trekked over to the sorority house around 10:30am to meet the new sheep. As I prepared to leave I gradually became more and more nauseated and had no idea why. Figuring it was because I was wearing a turtleneck for the first time since I was maybe twelve years old and it was making me overheated, I grabbed a can of Sprite, took three ibuprofen and walked through the single digit chill to campus.

My sorority is the Christian sorority, and many of my sisters read my blog (and sob. or so I'm told) so they were extremely understanding and made a point of taking all the pictures that included me first so I could leave.

The rest of Pledge Day includes dinner at the dining hall, games at our advisors, dinner at The Forum (switched to Ruby Tuesday since The Forum was closed for remodel) and then more games at the house. I declined lunch and games, opting instead for dinner since it's usually fairly quick. However, as I left for dinner that nausea from earlier in the day came back and it seemed to stem from the stress of leaving for any extended period of time.

Anywho, when I got back from meeting/praying over/taking photos of the new sheep (our mascot is a Lamb) I came home to find some old friends we haven't seen in years sitting in the family room with my mom, who was once again propped up in the rocking chair. Part of what makes this situation so hard is seeing in my mind's eye how my healthy mom would look in that chair, rocking a very little since she got motion sick so easily and laughing and smiling and sharing stories with our friends. So to make up for her lack of health I played the recording I have of her on my phone for the room to hear. And it was beautiful.

I asked my Dad when I came back from dinner and games this evening how Mom was and if she did much when I wasn't here. He told me that she mostly had an episode around lunch time where she again wanted to go home and kept wanting to get up to use the bathroom when nothing would happen. Otherwise the Xanax has knocked her out. Her color has gotten, if possible, even paler and sallow. She didn't want to die on the same day as my cousin's baby was born so Anne just told me she's waiting for midnight. Which is in 17 minutes.

Days like today, which was a remarkably good day, remind me that though there is sadness and despair, and though I feel like we've been torturing my mother over the past week with this palliative care, my life will go on. There will be gladness, there will be joy. Even though God saw fit to take my beautiful mother instead of a serial killer, rapist, murderer or any other horrid sinner in this world, I can wake up in the morning full of joy. And now that I think on it, yes, those serial killers and such may deserve death according to human standard, but perhaps God chose to take my mom over them because my mom was so strong in faith and He wanted her home. Letting the felons live gives each and every one of them a chance to hear the gospel and change and repent and become another member of the family of Christ. :-) Mom would love that.