The longer I have my job the more I wish I was doing something else. I hate customer service. Last Monday I was in tears on my way to work and even after I arrived and I actually ended up in discussion with my supervisor about whether or not I feel this is the right job for me. She told me that I'm very good at my job and that once I've developed that hard skin I won't hate the job so much anymore. I sincerely hope that is true. Otherwise she suggested that I keep the job while searching for another or that I stick it out and find a different department that suits me better. As we talked I told her about college and how I really don't know what I want to do with my life, that I love to write and draw and create and she watched, smiling, as my face lit up and she said, quietly, "You're a creator. We need creators at Verizon Wireless". So now I'm beginning to wonder about going into Marketing and Advertising with Verizon Wireless and whether it's a real possibility. I still have to finish transition and get through the remainder of the year but I will continually be looking for positions in marketing and advertising, even though I have little experience in that field. I don't really want to leave the company because, if my future goes as I currently believe it will, getting a job outside of Verizon will make the transition to a new life in a different place harder because I will have to find a different job instead of transferring to the same in a different location.
Meanwhile thoughts of trying out for American Idol float through my head, along with painting or building sets for a big deal production in New York or California or Chicago and becoming a published writer and selling books to the masses. Anything but working for Verizon. The problem is that I rarely have time for writing anymore. I mean, it's the 27th of July today. The last time I wrote was two days before my sister's wedding. I went to Ohio, came back, and continued to work and spend time with Neal and neglected any time spent by myself doing anything other than cleaning or bringing my poor plant back to life. My apartment is a disaster, I've volunteered to help with VBS at my church, my family was in town this weekend, and I haven't had time to myself other than when I'm in the shower. I look forward to a normal shift, colder days, and a job I enjoy going to.
As aforementioned my family is currently in town. On Friday they came to see my apartment and to take Neal and myself out for lunch in Middletown before work. On Saturday Neal and I got up early and went to West Haven for an outreach where I painted faces and he passed out fliers before we headed off to Windsor for a cookout at my aunt and uncle's house with a ton of people and even more food. On Sunday we woke early and drove out to the church where I practiced with the praise team at the Vineyard and sang during the service (this is where the American Idol ideas came from, since everyone came and told me what I phenomenal singer I am) after which my family and I headed to Neal's parent's for lunch/dinner and games. This morning Neal and I went grocery shopping and watched a movie and here I am, writing before work. Very little time is granted to me for my own use, though Neal would be happy to give it to me if I asked for it. Tomorrow Dad is coming to help me with my checkbook after I go to the church for VBS stuff so that alone time will begin on Wednesday, starting with a long workout to get rid of the food I ate this weekend. And life goes on. And on. And on. Suddenly 30 years feels like much too long... heck, TWO years is too long! We'll see where God takes me.
And the thing is, I know it'd be harder to be famous... but even that feels like a better proposition.
