Ever since my mom died Dad has been writing notes on Facebook about his history with her, explaining how she was the final key person to bring him to the Lord and helped him become the man he is today. He writes about how influential she was to him, what a great person she was, her faith and her ability to teach with passion and understanding, and the more I read about it the more like a failure I feel. I am nothing like my mother, and I know that no one can say anything about me like Dad has said about her.
I know that might seem selfish, but it's also a longing. How much would I love to be that kind of person, to be loving and caring, to be so sure of my faith? Instead I am a big screw up who wishes her life was worth more and meant more. Every day I sit here doing my work, trying to do my job well, all the while thinking that it's so completely pointless. How does keying insurance claims bring glory to Jesus? Really, how does it? How does moving to Cincinnati constitute adventure? Is this really what my life is going to be like? I feel like a broken record because I discuss and wonder about this all the time, so much so that sometimes I leave other people in the dust feeling useless and unneeded without meaning to. I pray all the time that God will mold me and use me, like that song Potter's Hands my church used to sing all the time. "I give my life to the Potter's hands". I just hope He gives me answers soon.
It would really help things kind of a lot if life wasn't so darn complicated.
Sorry, I just needed to vent.
Tonight will be an epic night of skating (and teaching a friend to skate... what ho, good times!), tomorrow morning will be a lovely breakfast with a good friend and a noon appointment to get my ears candled (sounds medieval, I know, but believe me it's necessary and helpful), an afternoon with my family which will most likely be spent discussing tux options with my younger sister as a hopeful attempt at being a good maid of honor, and then the remainder of the weekend will be spent with my Johnny. He plans to teach me to shoot a gun, the tomboy in me is really super excited about it! Then, on Monday, I get to go back into the office finally!
Here's hoping all of you, my dear friends, have a lovely weekend!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Book Excitement!
For those of you who actually know me, even just a little bit, you know that I love books. I love to read, I really do. It's significantly better than television and it actually helps me unwind and relax.
When I was in high school I was that girl walking down the hallway between classes with her nose deep in a book, still able to dodge people without looking up. Think Belle in the opening song of Beauty and the Beast (the Disney film).
Johnny often asks me why I like to read, what's the point, and I try to explain that by reading I can escape my boring life by becoming part of someone else's life for a day. It is also possible to learn quite a bit from reading, not to mention that it helps in terms of vocabulary, spelling, and grammar.
I admit to often rereading the same books over and over, and that I tend to buy a book and then not read it (though when I finally do read it realize that I loved it and remember why I bought it in the first place). It is my goal to someday have an entire room full of books, floor to ceiling.
Anyway, I've been bored of sitting in my apartment all the time so last night I took myself out to Half Price Books. Yes, I know this is a website owned by Ebay, but it is also a store. A compact store with both new and used books for significantly less money than if I bought a book at Barnes and Nobles or Borders.
When I buy books I never know what I'm looking for when I go. I never make lists. Wait, just kidding. I rarely make lists. Now that I live on my own and don't have all the books I'm used to having (like L.M. Montgomery's Anne books, or The Chronicles of Narnia, or all of Dad's books by Mark Twain) I do have it in mind to buy those up bit by bit till I own each series. However, most of the time I don't have anything in mind and instead just browse the aisles for interesting titles that have nothing to do with sex and whose labels aren't that hot pink associated with most modern female writer's books.
One of my favorite writers of all time is Elizabeth Peters, also known as Barbara Michaels, who wrote the Amelia Peabody series. I've been slowly collecting those books over the past three years and finally, yesterday, discovered what I believe is the very first Amelia Peabody book. This made me very excited, as I've wanted to see how she and Emerson met and married but could never find the books. *** if you've never read that series, I apologize. 'Twould take too long to explain, but I'll bet it's on wikipedia somewhere ***
But yesterday was a bad day in terms of how I felt about myself so I found myself wandering around, straying from the trusty fiction department toward sports and religion and such. As I walked I discovered an end cap covered in pilates, yoga and exercise kits that contained books, CDs, DVDs and probably those elastic workout bands. I already have videos for pilates and yoga and plain ole exercise so I ignored that end cap, but wondered about possibly getting a book of yoga or something so I wandered into the sports section (which included hunting.... Sorry, but I just don't really considering hunting a major sport...). Looking up I struck gold.
Almost all of my workout videos are by Denise Austin, who has a frustrating voice but workouts that work, and she wrote a book or two. I discovered one last night called Shrink Your Female Fat Zones.
It contains a 6-week plan for every female body type. As I sat down to start reading it before buying I discovered that her writing is lovely, as it explains everything in layman's terms without making you feel like a moron. Not only does she give you a workout regime, she also explains what each workout does, how walking benefits your body, gives step by step workouts that take no more than 20 minutes out of your day, shows morning, midday and evening stretches, and finally she gives shopping lists, meal plans for three different calorie intake amounts and also gives recipes for yummy things like homemade bean burritos and roasted chicken or couscous with lemon or thai chicken curry... The downside is those times when she lists beef or hamburgers, in which case I will substitute for homemade spicy black bean burgers or tofu or chicken (now that I live near a Trader Joes, my chicken will be organic to avoid those horrible hormones and chemicals they pump into animals nowadays).
This isn't a crash diet. It isn't even really a diet. She still leaves room for snacks, including things like Oreos, graham crackers, popcorn, ice cream, etc, teaches portion control and explains how some kinds of fat are good for you and necessary. It won't make you starve or fill up on nothing but meat. She says it's really a lifestyle, not a diet. This is the plan she personally uses for herself on a daily basis. And this book has sent me through the roof. By using this plan (obviously I won't follow her recipes and shopping list all the time, I'll add my own stuff in there as she explains how she figured the calories for each meal) I can enhance my energy and my nutrition and keep up my metabolism and figure for years and years to come. There are people who have been using this regime for decades and still look just as good now as they did at 20, some even better! So I'm really excited, this is seriously the best $9 I've ever spent.
I bought the book last night and have already read through almost the entire thing. I intend to start next week on Monday, so I have time to shop and prepare and figure out what time I will set aside for my workout each day. Unlike many other times when I tried to do this on my own, I'm determined to make this work. :) Plus it'll keep me from sitting on my butt all day long, and it targets specific areas I want to work on. Not to mention that I'm getting married in 197.5 days and intend to look good. Wish me luck!
When I was in high school I was that girl walking down the hallway between classes with her nose deep in a book, still able to dodge people without looking up. Think Belle in the opening song of Beauty and the Beast (the Disney film).
Johnny often asks me why I like to read, what's the point, and I try to explain that by reading I can escape my boring life by becoming part of someone else's life for a day. It is also possible to learn quite a bit from reading, not to mention that it helps in terms of vocabulary, spelling, and grammar.
I admit to often rereading the same books over and over, and that I tend to buy a book and then not read it (though when I finally do read it realize that I loved it and remember why I bought it in the first place). It is my goal to someday have an entire room full of books, floor to ceiling.
Anyway, I've been bored of sitting in my apartment all the time so last night I took myself out to Half Price Books. Yes, I know this is a website owned by Ebay, but it is also a store. A compact store with both new and used books for significantly less money than if I bought a book at Barnes and Nobles or Borders.
When I buy books I never know what I'm looking for when I go. I never make lists. Wait, just kidding. I rarely make lists. Now that I live on my own and don't have all the books I'm used to having (like L.M. Montgomery's Anne books, or The Chronicles of Narnia, or all of Dad's books by Mark Twain) I do have it in mind to buy those up bit by bit till I own each series. However, most of the time I don't have anything in mind and instead just browse the aisles for interesting titles that have nothing to do with sex and whose labels aren't that hot pink associated with most modern female writer's books.
One of my favorite writers of all time is Elizabeth Peters, also known as Barbara Michaels, who wrote the Amelia Peabody series. I've been slowly collecting those books over the past three years and finally, yesterday, discovered what I believe is the very first Amelia Peabody book. This made me very excited, as I've wanted to see how she and Emerson met and married but could never find the books. *** if you've never read that series, I apologize. 'Twould take too long to explain, but I'll bet it's on wikipedia somewhere ***
But yesterday was a bad day in terms of how I felt about myself so I found myself wandering around, straying from the trusty fiction department toward sports and religion and such. As I walked I discovered an end cap covered in pilates, yoga and exercise kits that contained books, CDs, DVDs and probably those elastic workout bands. I already have videos for pilates and yoga and plain ole exercise so I ignored that end cap, but wondered about possibly getting a book of yoga or something so I wandered into the sports section (which included hunting.... Sorry, but I just don't really considering hunting a major sport...). Looking up I struck gold.
Almost all of my workout videos are by Denise Austin, who has a frustrating voice but workouts that work, and she wrote a book or two. I discovered one last night called Shrink Your Female Fat Zones.
It contains a 6-week plan for every female body type. As I sat down to start reading it before buying I discovered that her writing is lovely, as it explains everything in layman's terms without making you feel like a moron. Not only does she give you a workout regime, she also explains what each workout does, how walking benefits your body, gives step by step workouts that take no more than 20 minutes out of your day, shows morning, midday and evening stretches, and finally she gives shopping lists, meal plans for three different calorie intake amounts and also gives recipes for yummy things like homemade bean burritos and roasted chicken or couscous with lemon or thai chicken curry... The downside is those times when she lists beef or hamburgers, in which case I will substitute for homemade spicy black bean burgers or tofu or chicken (now that I live near a Trader Joes, my chicken will be organic to avoid those horrible hormones and chemicals they pump into animals nowadays).
This isn't a crash diet. It isn't even really a diet. She still leaves room for snacks, including things like Oreos, graham crackers, popcorn, ice cream, etc, teaches portion control and explains how some kinds of fat are good for you and necessary. It won't make you starve or fill up on nothing but meat. She says it's really a lifestyle, not a diet. This is the plan she personally uses for herself on a daily basis. And this book has sent me through the roof. By using this plan (obviously I won't follow her recipes and shopping list all the time, I'll add my own stuff in there as she explains how she figured the calories for each meal) I can enhance my energy and my nutrition and keep up my metabolism and figure for years and years to come. There are people who have been using this regime for decades and still look just as good now as they did at 20, some even better! So I'm really excited, this is seriously the best $9 I've ever spent.
I bought the book last night and have already read through almost the entire thing. I intend to start next week on Monday, so I have time to shop and prepare and figure out what time I will set aside for my workout each day. Unlike many other times when I tried to do this on my own, I'm determined to make this work. :) Plus it'll keep me from sitting on my butt all day long, and it targets specific areas I want to work on. Not to mention that I'm getting married in 197.5 days and intend to look good. Wish me luck!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Apartment Excitement.
I've decided that, since I'll be living in this apartment at least until September, I need more color. Most apartments nowadays are all white and beige and boorrring. So today I FINALLY hung up my Indian bead curtain and used what are supposed to be regular curtains as a kind of decor. It took this long because I kept forgetting to borrow a staple gun from my Dad and/or sister.
However, I also went to Ikea for my very first time ever and discovered a $20 coffee table I'm really excited about
and this rug, which I love love love. Both of these are for my living room, which looks overly large and kind of boring.
Then I went to Urban Outfitters (the website... sadly, there is no U.O. store around here) which I absolutely adore due to its uniqueness, and I really want to create something like this, only bigger, for my living room wall.
However, I also went to Ikea for my very first time ever and discovered a $20 coffee table I'm really excited about
Then I went to Urban Outfitters (the website... sadly, there is no U.O. store around here) which I absolutely adore due to its uniqueness, and I really want to create something like this, only bigger, for my living room wall.
My only sadness is U.O.'s lack of anything lavender or purple in general. There's lots of antique colors, but very little in the way of blue or purple. As I have recently discovered/decided my favorite color is any shade of purple this makes me very sad. However, I still love this duvet cover
and this one
and I'm hoping that dear Johnny likes at least one of them...
In either case, I am slowly but surely giving my living space more personality, and by registering Johnny and I can give our eventual living space (assuming it isn't this apartment) an Emily/Johnny flair. I really just love making my space my own. :)
Here is a.) Christmas lights covered by a sheer curtain I had no other use for and b.) the reason I'm so interested in duvet covers. While, yes, this bed spread is heinous that is not the reason I'm looking. Call me strange (Mom always did...) but I absolutely adore this spread. No, the reason I'm looking at duvet covers is because with this new wall covering my room is basically all one color and I'd like to add some interest. Plus, I love antique floral prints.
And here is the bead curtain I finally hung with two more of the originally unused curtains. Yes, I did that drawing you see on the wall as well.
Hopefully I can find contact paper (did you know walmart.com has NO IDEA what contact paper is??? What is this world coming to!) so I can create that tree decal for my wall. I have a number of family photos on the wall that I'd love to connect together using the tree, and then create another for a different part of the wall that is currently bare. The more time I spend here the more personality this place will have. And it helps that the Ikea is literally a ten minute drive up I-75 from my apartment. :DD
Apparently I go back to work at the office most likely on Wednesday this week. I'm actually rather looking forward to it. And on Friday I'm supposed to go roller skating with a group of my friends I haven't seen in awhile! I'm so super excited, mostly about the roller skating part but especially for the hanging with friends WHILE skating part! I love love roller skating and rarely ever go so here's my chance!
But for now I'm going to get up off my keester and do a workout. I've been a lazy bum and it's actually starting to show and I can't let that happen! I'm in a wedding in just over three months and then I have my own wedding in six and a half months - whoa. That's kind of really soon - and summer is literally right around the corner. Time to go sweat! Wish me luck!
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