It's odd, really, how quickly the critical eye can change. A mere week ago, I saw myself in the mirror and marveled at how thin and fit I looked and felt rather good about myself. Now, not seven days later, I see my reflection and think how on earth did I get so fat so quickly?? And the oddest part is that the reflection changes according to which surface I see it. For example: here, in the bathroom mirror, I look horribly stout. In my bedroom full length I'm not bad, but not great. In the window at the rec center right after a workout I look amazing.
I take it back, that isn't the oddest part. Really it's the fact that I weigh less now than I did as a senior in high school and just as much as I did at the beginning of my senior year of college but somehow I look bigger to myself. I can still fit into the jeans I bought in Chicago two and a half years ago, my shirts are all a size small or extra small and yet...
I credit it to a mixture of self-esteem and the way I was raised. For my entire life I have been naturally thin. I recall bragging to my mother sometime in middle school about how I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight. My mom told replied by telling me I should watch what I eat because it would catch up with me later.
She was right.
However, what I remember now is that I spent my childhood and adolescence running through the backyard with my neighbors, climbing trees, riding my bike, running track and walking nearly every place I wanted to go. Now I'm not so active. I don't even play in the snow because of how much I hate to be cold. Therefore, I blame this problem on a lack of activity. My job includes a significant amount of time sitting but is also very stressful so by the time I'm home all I want to do is relax. More sitting. Were I still as active as I was in my childhood I feel confident that I would not have a problem with my outer image.
What have I learned from this time of reflection?
A treadmill at Walmart is only $500.
