Not Ashamed Anymore

So, remember last week's post where I admitted to liking Justin Bieber and being ashamed of it?

Watch this video.

SO not ashamed anymore. I wish we had more just like him.

Christmas Tradition

My family has a million Christmas traditions, and I love every one of them. It doesn't actually feel like Christmas unless we do these things.

It starts, actually, two weeks before. My mom makes a bajillion and one kinds of cookies and chocolates. Fruit foldovers, mint brownies, almond crescents, chocolate turtles, chocolate covered pretzels, peanuts and raisins, ginger snaps, white chocolate peppermint sugar cookie snowflakes, pecan tassies, snowballs, buckeyes, etc, etc, and then she makes a plate for every family/friend we have in the area as our Christmas present. Usually the plates are delivered on the two days prior to Christmas. I'm amazed mom managed it this year, though my sisters helped out a lot.

Then, on Christmas Eve, we all go to the church candlelight service while chili cooks on the stove so it's ready when we get home. This year we didn't make chili because everyone else is sick of it, so instead we had baked beans. Which i think we have more often than chili, but whatever. I made my own pot of chili when I got back home. ;) Anyway, we eat dinner and watch the best Christmas movie ever: The Muppet Christmas Carol. By this time my sister and bro in-law have made it, and my younger sister's fiance and Johnny were both there as well.

Since my mom's cancer she and dad have stopped setting out the presents after we go to bed. It used to be that we'd put out our presents to each other, hang stockings and go upstairs.
While we try to fall asleep, unsuccessfully, my parents would set out all of the presents and fill stockings so we're surprised the next morning. However, this year we all trooped upstairs and brought all the presents down since Mom was so tired.

On Christmas morning, a ribbon blocks the opening to the stairs, something my parents started years ago to keep their four daughters from sneaking downstairs before everyone else. We are supposed to stay upstairs while my mom makes breakfast. Latkes, a family favorite. And we aren't allowed to come downstairs until it's all ready and my dad is up. When we get down to the table, it's set with lit candles and Christmas music playing in the background and we all have breakfast together in our PJs. This year mom slept while Erin and Jennie, my two older sisters, make the latkes and blueberry muffins, and the rest of us came down and just chilled while we waited. As we are all over the age of 21, it just doesn't make sense to cram all of us into the hallway upstairs.

After breakfast we clean up the table and put dishes in the dishwasher and then comes the big revealing. All of us head downstairs and see the tree for the very first time. This year, obviously, isn't the same, but it was still a good time. Plus my parents waited until Christmas morning to stuff stockings so that was a new addition.

We always sit in the same place, though every time we add a boy it gets a little more difficult to cram all nine of us in the family room, and stockings are always first. Once we've opened everything in there and put the candy into a large communal bowl for later, Anne and I pass out all of the presents since we sit closest to the tree. Once all the gifts are out, all but my mom open. Mom likes to wait and watch us as we open the gifts she spent so many months finding and purchasing, and once we're all done and the paper is cleared she opens her gifts while we all watch.

And once all of this is done we clean up, go get ready and drive up to Cleveland to hang with the extended family and have a huge meal and open more presents.

It's all just wonderful, a wonderful time, and it's beautiful to spend time with all of us together at the same time.  And soon we'll add children to the mix and oh, the times we'll have!

I, unfortunately, did not take as many photos as I would have liked so I stole some from previous years, but you get the basic idea. Plus, I found an app that is very similar to the hipstamatic for iPhone and it makes me look like I can actually take good photos!

So to finish, here are a bunch of photos from Christmas Day, everything from Johnny and Derrick spending ample time with their phones to a bunch of us playing Balderdash, to my cousin's children pretending to eat a turkey whole.

I hope you had a blessed Christmas, and I'll be back to regular, shorter posts here soon. :)

 Derrick and Johnny in the hallway, while Erin and Jennie make breakfast.

 We had a semi-white Christmas.

More cooking.

Anne and Derrick wait. 

 Our new cousin, Lydia, falls asleep in my mom's lap. Johnny and Derrick with their phones. Again.

 Noah and Silas play Don't Break the Ice. They also got Don't Spill the Beans, and Ants in the Pants.

the family.

Corbin waits patiently and then tries to eat the turkey when he thinks no one is looking.

This is Hannah. Lol.

We started playing Balderdash.

My beautiful Mom. 

<3

Get Ready for Random...

Last weekend I went to Canton to hang with Johnny for roughly 24 hours. Somewhere during our Sunday we stopped over at his best friend's house and I finally met the younger brother. We've been Facebook friends for months but have never before met. I actually have quite a few of those, including friends from Wales, Scotland, and Russia. Not bragging, that's just how it is.

Anywho, my knees came up into conversation somehow and I showed them how my knees have eyes. They then grab a pen and made smiley faces.

New subject.

Yesterday was a food day at work, and I didn't know it until about two hours after getting there. Had I known, I definitely would have brought something. As it is, there were four different kinds of meatballs and more dessert than real food.

Glad to see my co-workers have their priorities straight.

This is a picture of just the regular food table, not including the bags of chips on top of the cabinet, and that was before it was all set out. I would have also taken a photo of the dessert table, but this picture was taken surreptitiously by me while sitting at my desk so people wouldn't think I'm any weirder than they already do.

Yes. As luck would have it, all food was right next to my desk. This means Emily did very little work and gained back any and all weight she lost over the past month in just one day.

Johnny came down to Cincinnati yesterday. He applied for a bajillion jobs in the area and the Apple Store called him. My fiance is a total Mac guy and used to have the iPhone until he found out it didn't work at his parent's house. So they called him about an interview, which he had yesterday at 3pm. He stopped by my office building to get my apartment keys on the way there so that after the interview he'd have somewhere to go and relax until I got off work at 5:30.

In other news, here's an update on my mom.

WARNING: Here is where I get serious.

For my new readers, my mother has been battling cancer for the past year. There are tumors growing in her abdomen, and they have gotten so large that she actually looks like she's pregnant, and she's in a lot of pain. Her doctor has her on this new pill that costs an arm, a leg, the Empire State building, and a couple of Jupiter's moons, but apparently it's the miracle drug. Anyway, she ended up making a surprise trip to Columbus yesterday to give a plate of her famous Christmas cookies/chocolates to her special staff at Riverside Hospital. While she was there they tested her for fluid retention and today she went to the local hospital to drain her a bit.

They extracted 3.5 LBS of fluid from her body.

This helped with her pain, but she's still creeping around the house slowly. It really makes me feel guilty for complaining about having to work so much extra or about minor pain or just complaining in general. It really puts things into perspective. And this drug had better by golly work because it hurts to see my mom go through all of this.

On a happier note, tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we will have the ENTIRE family together tomorrow night for our annual Christmas Eve traditions.

Sorry for all the random! I hope you all have a glorious, beautiful, and blessed Christmas. :)

"For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given. And the government shall be upon his shoulders and he shall be called Wonderful Counselor. Mighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace." ~ Isaiah 9:6

Confession

Okay. I give. The truth is finally coming out.

I actually like Justin Beiber.

*covers face* I am ashamed.

In other news, here's the picture of the ornament I made.

Have a great Christmas, y'all!!

Happy Christmas!

So, I feel like everything I do in this city is a fiasco of some kind.

It all began with a gloriously amazing weekend. I spent Saturday evening and Sunday with Johnny and we really had a blast. We even braved going to the mall to find his mom a gift. I'm thrilled that we made it out alive.

So I drive 3.5 hours home and I leave all the stuff I brought home with me in my car because it's too cold and I'm too tired and lazy to drag all of it in.

As a temporary employee with hourly pay, when everyone else gets paid to take Thursday and Friday off this week, I get to work three ten hour days and then work from home on Thursday for eight hours to make up for the time lost. This makes for an exceptionally long, boring day, especially since all I do is key insurance claims into the system.

Anywho, I'm late for work yesterday, I forget why. It was a slow morning and I was tired and I actually found myself falling asleep at my desk no matter what music I listened to. I'm not the biggest fan of arriving to work in the dark AND leaving in the dark. Which was yesterday and will be today and tomorrow.

While I was working I was also taking a few breaks to find a) an Aldi's nearby so I can eat for the next few weeks, b) a Hobby Lobby so I could buy the stuff to make the ornament for the ornament exchange at work, c) a Goodwill so I can find mismatched picture frames for my sister for Christmas and d) a Barnes and Nobles or any music bookstore so I can buy my brother in-law HIS Christmas present. All of which I intended to take care of after work last night.

Get off work at 5:30 (FINALLY) and headed out to my car to drive to Aldi, which I found without too much difficulty AND which has a Hobby Lobby literally right next door! Very excited. I found almost everything on my list (and a couple things that weren't *cough*cookies*cough*) and I go through the checkout and I'm below budget, which rocks, and then my debit card wouldn't swipe. Swiped it. "Bad Swipe, try again" the keypad yells at me. Over and over and over... even the two employees tried and it wouldn't work. Then I find out they don't accept credit, only debit or cash. So they hold my order as I rush out to my car, annoyed, and drive down the street to the nearest Chase bank to withdraw cash, come back and pay for everything and finally, an hour later, leave that place.

Next comes Hobby Lobby. As I used to work at a Hobby Lobby I know what they have, especially at Christmastime. I managed to pick my boss out of the grab bag, and after asking everyone I could find what on earth to get him I discovered he loves the Bengals. Die hard fan. So I'm like, okay, well, if I don't find a Bengals ornament of some kind I'll just make him one.

No Bengals ornaments. Go figure.

Scrapbooking, here I come! Browsed the paper aisle searching for tiger print. There's zebra print. Cheeta. Giraffe. Leopard. But no tiger. Well, that's a lie, there was tiger print in a huge packet of paper that would cost me upwards of $20, and pink/purple/green tiger print in a small package of cardstock. No thanks. I did find football paper, and then I grabbed the zebra paper, figuring I have an orange highlighter and I can just color in the white parts. Run to the other aisles and grab a glue stick, gold glitter, and ornament hooks, purchase it all and leave.

By now it's going on 7pm and I'm exhausted and had no interest in finding the B&N or Goodwill so instead that's today's after work excursion. More on that later. So I drive home to kick off my heels and put on jeans and boots and make seven trips to and from my car with clean laundry, bags of groceries, a giant scrapbook my grandmother gave me, boxes, etc, etc.

Still no rest for Emily.

On go the shorts and tank top in my swelteringly hot apartment and I proceed to put things away, reattach the doors to the entertainment center after propping it up with blocks of wood (dad and Johnny broke off the wheels on their trek up the stairs. That sucker is HEAVY), organizing my books, etc etc (sorry for all the lists, it was a crazy day). Of course Johnny called somewhere in the middle so I'm holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder as I set up the DVD/VCR/TV. Once all of THAT was done (groceries still not put away) I got my laptop and found a tutorial on how to make origami stars, colored in the zebra paper with an orange highlighter, made three stars (two tiger, one football) in different sizes, strung them together with thread, glue-sticked them and shook them around in a baggie of gold glitter, and finally boxed and wrapped the final product after taking a pic of it to show Johnny.

And then I collapsed on the floor and relaxed for the first time since 5am.

Rinse. Repeat.

Today is the same, only it's B&N and Goodwill, I did major organizing before I even left for work, and I left my phone at my apartment so I'm without directions and I was late to work AGAIN... but in seven minutes we are having our ornament exchange and hopefully my boss doesn't sneer at my handiwork.

Once I have my phone back and am sitting at home, I will post a less hectic story and show y'all pictures.

Deep breaths... and scene.

Oh movies. :)

I don't know if you knew this, but Netflix and I are like this *crosses fingers*. Until I got my TV and DVD player here with me all I had was my computer and some internet I borrowed from the neighbors. I literally watched When Harry Met Sally three days in a row.

So if you're on Netflix you know how it asks you to rate movies you've seen and then it'll give you a list of movies they think you'll love. Nothing on the lists they usually give was working for me a couple days ago, so I did that rating thing. In the list of movies they offered there was this one indie flick called Keith.

I watched it.

Love at first sight.

It stars Jesse McCartney

 and Elizabeth Harnois. 

You probably know who Jesse McCartney is. He's the original Justin Beiber. Elizabeth Harnois, however, I had never heard of her. Apparently she's on One Tree Hill. But I don't really watch TV (and especially not shows like One Tree Hill) so I wouldn't have known had I not creeped all over her imdb.com page.

Yes, I admit it. I'm a creeper. But in a good way!

I also creeped Jesse McCartney's page, and I appreciated what I found. On some people's pages it says things like "dating some Russian supermodel (2004)" or "got engaged to the Queen of England (Jan 2006)" (ok, that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea) and then two months later it's over. On his, though, it's all about his music and the TV show he co-starred in for awhile. And he's, like, 23 or 24, normally the imdb pages for actors that age are smothered by that kind of junk!

While I'm at work my imagination likes to jump into overdrive so I don't go completely insane. The day after I watched this movie I had all these imagined situations where I was in L.A. for whatever reason sitting in some coffee shop with my comp waiting for a friend to finish, idk, whatever. I was singing along with the radio and Jesse McCartney happens to be there, hears me, and wants me to come with him to the recording studio so I can be on his new album or something. Pretty sure I'm the only person who does this. 

And of course I'm always the Joe Cool of meeting celebrities, never freaking out once. In my daydreams, at least. If I actually did meet someone famous I probably would be pretty low key while there. I'm not the type to have huge crushes on celebrities because, honestly, what's the point? However, I would definitely send an OMG text to my BFF the moment the situation was over.

Anywho, that's me. I'm weird. It's okay.

I also made the mistake of buying the movie on iTunes. Now there's no free way for me to burn it to disc and actually watch it on my television. Not for lack of trying, though.

Back home to my parent's house for the weekend! Unpacked all of my stuff today during the blizzard, working eight hours on Saturday. 

Cheers!

Yay and Grrr.

It's it weird that I'm stupidly excited about going from 4 followers to 7 in one day? I mean, there are people with hundreds of followers and after two years of writing this blog I finally have 7 followers! Of course, I also networked this blog to my Facebook so there are actually a lot of people who read it that I don't know about.

In any case, thank you thank you thank you to amyschmamey for the shout out and gettin' me three more! Totally made my day. :D

Now for the grr.

Have you looked at the weather radar lately? There's a HUGE blue splotch headed straight for Ohio starting with *drumroll please* Cincinnati.

Now, for most of the people I work with this is no big deal. They'll just stay home and sign on to their work computer from there and do their thing.

Then there's me. The poor girl who moved here two weeks ago, just got her final apartment on Saturday and hasn't had a chance to call the internet company to set anything up. So I, who does not get paid holidays or time off (that sounds weird grammatically) due to being a temporary employee with hourly pay gets to either brave the snow and ice and frigid temperatures tomorrow at 6:30am OR I get to forfeit eight hours of pay that I desperately need. OR I get to make up the time by working on Saturday. Assuming I have internet by Saturday. In either case, any high created by actually being mentioned in someone else's blog and gaining new people to become friends with has been blown up by this frustration.

However, to finish on a high note, I now have almost all of my stuff. I've about three more loads of dishes to do (everything is really gross after spending a year in the garage) and a bunch of boxes to dispose of and tons of organizing to do, but if I don't work tomorrow that will not be a problem.

Anywho, welcome new friends! I hope I don't bore you too badly and that you have a wonderful day!

Song of the Day

I'm not actually going to post a song every single day. Mostly because it'd probably be the same song over again, I tend to go back to things.

However, Sunday's song was "Rock of Ages (When the Road Seems Long)" by Sandra McCracken. This video is, unfortunately, not Sandra singing but you get the idea.
Rock of Ages

Monday's song was "Eet" by Regina Spektor.
Eet

Tuesday
Colors

That's it. Enjoy!

$%&# snow.

Ok. So, this morning I walk to church. It's literally right over there *points* so that was easy enough. Except it's cold. And wet. And I was on the verge of a panic attack because I'm going to this enormous church all by myself and have no one to sit with.

SO! Church went well, the sermon was good and very thought provoking. I filled out a "Connection Card" because I want to get involved in a small group. When I turned it in this very nice blonde woman gave me a welcome packet that included a CD, a little booklet with church info, and a piece of dark chocolate. "How can you go wrong with chocolate?" she says. "Well, I can't have chocolate," I reply. "I'll just give it to someone."

Hey, anyone want a piece of dark chocolate?

Go home and have quite the afternoon of phone calls with my bestie and the fiance and movie watching. Have a gloriously amazing headache, and the whole time it's snowing like crazy. This morning for church you could still see road. and grass. Not anymore!

Now, at 5:30 there's a young adult service for people in their 20s-30s that I wanted to go to, figuring I could meet and connect with some other Christians and make some new friends. It's also at the church so I'm thinking I can walk there, which is great considering there is now around four inches of snow on the ground. I get all bundled up and start walking over only to find the main entrance is blocked by an automated gate. Wonderful. The other entrance is a bit further away so I go to dig out my car.

Ten minutes or so later I'm driving uber carefully down the drive to the road. Make it to the main drag, head up the street, get stuck at a stop light in the left turning lane. I literally sat there at that light waiting for a good five minutes because the light decided no one wanted to turn left and never gave me a signal.

FINALLY I turn onto the correct road (after nearly getting in an accident because some really intelligent person ran the red light while my green arrow was on. Lovely.) and head down there to the building and found a parking lot devoid of people except for some poor girl whose car had slid into the curb and up onto the landscaping and getting trapped there by a bush. Two other cars had stopped and I watched as two guys and a girl lifted her Mini as she drove in reverse and get her out.

Once she was free I went over and asked if there was even church tonight, considering the parking lot was empty, and no one knew. But considering it was going on 5:40 and it was supposed to start at 5:30, it was most likely cancelled.

So I dug my car out and went through all of that for nothing.

And now I get to sit in my empty apartment and watch the millionth movie of the weekend.

The most wonderful time of the year.

To end on a happy note, I found a couch and a chair for completely free and my dad is coming down with Johnny on Wednesday with all of my stuff and we're also going to pick up the couch/chair and I can FINALLY get settled in! So excited, I actually really like this apartment a lot. :D

Have a great evening, y'all!

Yes.

I hope I meet people here soon.

That's all.

Ah, panic!

Today is it. Moving Day! ... I think. I got an email from the leasing office a few days ago telling me that I'd be able to move by Saturday (today) so I have two friends coming to help me transport everything from this apartment to the next. The problem is that I do not have my keys, I haven't signed a lease or put down a deposit and I should have gone last night instead of driving to Columbus for dinner with a friend.

But dinner was great, so no regrets here!

Anywho, the leasing office is open today, but not until noon. Noon happens to be exactly when my friends arrive!! So i guess they'll be shifting stuff out of my apartment while I head over to the leasing office for a chat and some signing and some check writing.

I might be just a leetle stressed. However, I will be a very happy girl when I'm in MY apartment and can actually decorate, set up furniture, put out all my books, have my TV instead of using my laptop for movies... I have so many ideas for decorating and things to do to make it a homey place that I enjoy coming back to every day. But all I'll have till Wednesday is the same stuff as now because Dad and Johnny are bringing everything else down that day.

Really I'm just putting off getting up and packing up the bathroom and kitchen. Dishes. Cleaning. Yes, cleaning. My mom, the woman who makes her hotel bed before checking out, instilled in me the habit of leaving a borrowed place nicer than when you got there. So I will be cleaning the kitchen and bathroom very well today before the boys get here and before signing my lease.

Think I'm crazy?

Good!

It's Times Like These...

Last night was a bad night, so I took myself on a date with my book to Panera Bread for some soup, bread, lemonade and a nice fire.

As I was leaving my apartment I heard the strains of guitar coming from a nearby apartment. I have no idea who was playing or what was being played, all I knew was that I loved it and that it was my mood exactly. Which, by the way, never happens.

www.christchurchmusic.org

And even though I really needed to get going all I wanted to do was find the door behind which the guitar was being played and just sit there and listen.

http://www.flarefilms.co.uk

Of course I didn't, but it made me long, once again, for the millionth time, for an acoustic guitar. I have vague knowledge of how to play the guitar, and I pick things up fairly easily so I'm sure if I had one and sat down with some patient person, like my bro in-law Derrick, I would learn it pretty quickly.

I just love the sound of acoustic guitar, all by itself... that's my favorite kind of music. For example, I love love the soundtrack to Dan in Real Life because the whole thing is unpresumptuous guitar. Give me a guy on a stage with a voice and guitar and I'm in heaven. Or in love. Take your pick.

Really it would just be lovely to be able to MAKE the music that I FEEL. Because I can never find a song that quite fits my mood and honestly, sometimes, you really just need a song.

Day One....

Yesterday after church and my mom's birthday dinner my sister, dad, Johnny and I packed up my car with the stuff I decided was essential and then I drove 2.5 hours through horrible Thanksgiving aftermath traffic to Cincinnati. Once there I found the keys to a two-bedroom apartment under the doormat of the leasing office of a complex in Sharonville. 

What took the four of us about a half hour to pack into my car took me an hour or more to move into the second floor apartment all by my lonesome. Once inside I kept realizing stuff I forgot, like the bag of frozen food my mom gave me (bagels, veggie burgers, an organic tv dinner, etc) and claw clips to hold my hair so I can straighten it - very thankful that those bracelets held out last night...

So after a dinner of tortilla chips and salsa I watched the extra stuff on the Charlie St. Cloud DVD Johnny and I bought the other day while sitting on my bed. aka, my sister's air mattress. 

About this air mattress... It looks great when it's first blown up. But, after only an hour of lying on it you're suddenly on the floor. Apparently she (my sister) has never had a problem with it. But I got to refill it at 11pm, 2:30am, and then got up at 5am, once again lying on the floor. Definitely no sleep for Emily. This is how the bed looked when I got up.

You can't tell from this picture, but there's definitely almost no air left in this thing.

This is how it looks when it's full.

Thankfully I mentioned my predicament to my co-worker and she's bringing her air mattress to work tomorrow for me to use till I have my bed here. Apparently you plug it into the wall and it's as high as a normal bed and it doesn't deflate. :DDD

So I get up and get ready and iron my dress clothes and then I realize I have no breakfast food except for dry cereal. And no milk. Or orange juice. *sigh*

Walked out the door at 6am hungry and still wearing my slippers (which I realized before I made it to the stairs). Dunkin Donuts directions in my head, I got breakfast and drove to work and arrived a full half hour early. Realized I forgot my headphones and my USB cord so I could charge my phone while I listened to music.

Started to work at 7am and omg after working from home for so long being on the actual system and my actual work computer is a HUGE improvement. I finished 295 claims in less than four hours (less because I took some time to go down to the security desk and get my permanent badge, pictured below). Normally I finish around 300 or a little more in 7.5 hours.

Bought lunch from the caf. Forgot/didn't have any food to pack.

Finally in the afternoon I got to meet up with another Plan B-er and our trainer for the new position in production and we learned to input claims. I'm super stoked to finally be leaving Plan B and doing something new! And apparently I'll be getting a new desk, thank goodness. I'm off in the wild blue yonder all by my lonesome kind of really far away from where production sits right now.

Got off work at 3:30 (score!!) and went straight to Walmart to buy all the stuff I forgot and FOOD! Now I sit alone in this big apartment eating ramen and writing to all of you!

My favorite room is the bathroom.

Followed closely by the kitchen.

In my opinion they're the homiest parts of this place, probably due to the colors in the bathroom and the personal touches in the kitchen (like the teapot and the pic of Clyde and myself). Otherwise the "bed" is lying in the middle of the living area and one of the bedrooms houses all of my clothes, shoes, and other random stuff.

Yes, all of those big suitcases house almost all of my clothes, and the other two hold shoes. The little computer bag has socks in it. I don't do anything in the two bedrooms because they do not have lights. Just windows.

Anywho, this is where I live but only for now! Hopefully this weekend will be the big move to the more permanent location. And I found a couch I like! I told Johnny to look at it, and if he likes it too we're going to pool money and buy it. It's a sofa lounge, so it converts into a bed, which is super convenient for when I have friends/family over!

Now I will pay on my credit card, which I had to use to buy my groceries due to leaving my debit card at home (notice the forgetfulness pattern???) and then play Angry Birds on my phone.

Here's hoping tomorrow is better!

You Kinda Had to Be There.

It was like that time when we were moving old tables out of Red Lobster and it was pouring rain and we all got really wet, it was hilarious.

Remember that time during the Gilmore Girls party where we had quotes hanging everywhere and candy and stuff? Ugh, it was awesome.

This one time, at band camp... (just kidding.)

It's funny, just laugh.

Happy Turkey Everyone!

PLEASE don't hate me for this...

Ever since my freshman year of college I have kept a journal. Lately I've kind of let it go (probably because of this here blog) but I have, like, ten or more journals full of my scrawl and pictures and cards and song lyrics and lists. There was once a time when I enjoyed rereading my old journals. Now, when I read them, I stop after a couple pages to scream

SOMEONE SHOOT ME!!!

My old journals are so full of me, me, me, boys, boys, boys, and lists of what I'm going to eat/what I'll do for a workout because I'm "fat".

The sad part is that the "fat" part is still hanging around.

And what's even sadder is I'm NOT fat.

I am barely 5'3", and according to those ridiculous weight charts hanging out online and in high school health rooms across the country I'm supposed to weigh something like 110lbs.

I weigh 121, as of 9am-ish this morning.

All the way through college I struggled against anorexia, often losing the battle, and it still likes to come around to bug me. And those darn charts don't help because they don't take muscle mass, bone density or genetics into account. I managed to get down to 111lbs once in college, and everyone was worried about me because I did it by starving myself and I looked really ill.

Over the years I've learned to keep this issue to myself, as most girls I know would punch me for saying "I'm fat" outloud.

But today was a hard day for me.

I try to stay away from scales, but after my surgery was over and I was able to walk again and most of the muscle I had gained over the summer disappeared I weighed myself one morning and was shocked to find I had lost a good five pounds and weighed 118. At the beginning of the summer, sometime around April, I was in the 126 range and distinctly remember stepping on the scale one morning and being shocked and rather thrilled about 121 flashing in front of my eyes. Now, because I had been 118 a mere couple of weeks ago, 121 is fat.

This is me on Sunday afternoon enjoying a bridal shower.

I'm pathetic. Wouldn't you agree?

When you think about it, weight is a really stupid thing to be obsessed over. I mean, back in Renaissance times being heavy was the fashion because it meant you were rich enough to be overfed. Why can't we still be cool like that? But instead the world has helped to create girls like me, who are obsessed over weight and looks and feel as though we won't be liked unless we look like THAT.

Whatever THAT is.

I could rant about the liberal media and its effect on today's women, or about how men are the reason for this weight obsession, but honestly it's been ranted to death.

One of these days, I will post something more lighthearted. I promise!

Oh, and I made the rehearsal bouquet for my friend's wedding. :) Fun times!

Aaaaannndd finally a pic of me and my future husband (btw, I HATE the word "hubby", drives me nuts I REFUSE to use it EVER).

Yeah, we were kinda made for each other. :D  Have a grrreeeat day!

Oh Great Deep Thought

Earlier this week my family doctor of 20+ years died of a heart attack, and today I attended his funeral. My dad, as a friend of Dr. Marsh and a pastor, was asked to officiate and during his eulogy he talked about my grandmother and her obsession with photos and home videos of her four granddaughters as small children and how, though she was usually behind the camera instead of infront of it, you can hear her voice.

Tangent: I just realized that I tend to write extremely long sentences.

Once I got home with two pints of the best ice cream ever in my hands (Tom's Ice Cream Bowl, a sleazy little diner in Zanesville with the best homemade ice cream you've ever had) I chose one of the many videos taken by my grandmother back in the late 80s and early 90s and proceeded to watch my three year old self during a 1989 summer trip to Connecticut.

There's one part of the video where we're in the car and I'm the only grandchild in the back of my grandparent's enormous blue suburban craning my neck to see out the windows because up ahead of us is my uncle leading us to the beach with his boat hitched to the back of his car. Nanny asked if I could see the boat, the lens of the camcorder zoomed in on that little girl in the backseat, and I cried out "I see the boat!!! I saw the boat again!!!!" jubilantly and with the biggest open-mouthed grin ever seen. Pure joy shining out of my three-year-old face at the prospect of riding in a boat, something I had never before done having grown up in the landlocked Ohio Valley.

Moments later the scene changes and you watch my two older sisters and my 28 year old parents climbing into the boat with my aunt and uncle. In the background you hear the sobs of a broken three year old heart because she was not joining her sisters in the boat ride she had dreamed of just minutes before.

I remembered back to this video as I sat here in my freezing room processing claims and planning a wedding in my head and via text with my fiance as NCIS dvds play in the background. As I pressed the a button to skip over the opening credits it dawned on me just how much my life has changed since I was that little three year old girl. Back then, nothing made me happier than tripping after my sisters, trying my darndest to keep up, and seeing a boat up close and personal just made my world. We didn't have computers or cell phones or DVD players or HD television or even real cable. Instead I sprawled on the floor with my grandfather and taught him to play Candyland while my baby sister strained to see over the edges of her playpen. My seven-year-old sister had learned to crochet. The three eldest of us and my two cousins were entertained for hours by a monkey that would convulse when it heard applause. We played tiddly-winks. Life was so much simpler back in 1989.

And now here I am, typing on a computer with my Blackberry dinging with emails and texts on the desk in front of me, my tv on my dresser across the room playing DVDs, my playstation on the floor waiting for me to finally finish my game. I am almost the age my parents were in that video from 1989. They already had four children, drove a beat up olive green oldsmobile, were dirt poor due to Dad's school loans... and soon I'll be in the same boat (minus the children).

I remember being a kid and dreaming of what I'd be like when I was older, and now that I'm older I don't FEEL older until I watch those videos and remember the pure simple joy of being a kid and being alive. I often say I wish I knew then what I know now, but that's a complete and total lie. If I knew then what I know now, the weight of the world would be on my shoulders and I wouldn't be a kid at all, and I would never have known joy. That three year old knew who she was. She knew what made her happy. She had parents who loved her, who had full lives ahead of them. She had three sisters she loved being around. She was free.

Sometimes I really think it's a shame we have to grow up. To deal with life. To watch your mom fight a losing battle with cancer. To move away and stress about bills and finding a home and creating a life away from the comfort of the place you grew up. To feel like your life isn't being lived as much as it is endured. We so often just try to make it from one day to the next without realizing what we're missing until reality smacks us in the face. I, for one, don't want to wake up one day and realize I'm eighty-nine years old and my life has meant nothing.

So I won't.

Strike That... reverse it...

My to-do list feels like it's just getting longer... and longer.... and looonnnngggeerrrr........

Today I checked one thing off my list: find an apartment in Cincinnati so I can move and start my new job. Check. Well, half check. I found a place that I like and I can afford, but they may not have any 1 bedrooms free until AFTER my first day at the new post. So they're going to let me camp out in a different apartment temporarily until mine is free and clean. This means lots of driving and transporting. (But the apartment is walking distance from the church I love down there. SCORE!)

So that's done. But now I have to get crackin' on the wedding plans. As much as I'd love to just go to the courthouse with close fam and get it over with, I really can't do that. People would be offended. And it wouldn't be any fun! So I have to call the church and find a reception hall, preferably before I move. Otherwise I have no idea how to begin planning a wedding. Any pointers??

Next, I have to pack all of my stuff. Easy enough, most of it is packed STILL and has been for the past year. But I've accumulated.

Christmas shop. I'm halfway done, gots lots more to buy still, and I'm then going to not buy anything for a very long time.

Figure how I'm going to go to Cleveland to meet with my aunt so she can meet my Clyde after I go to my best friend's bachelorette party in Columbus and make it back to Cincinnati in enough time to get some sleep before work Monday.

Find furniture. At this moment, I have a bed and a mattress, but no box spring (kinda important....), two bookshelves, a desk, and a TV stand. Oh, and a fake tree. I need a couch, a chair, a coffee table, another lamp, and a dining set, even if it's just a card table and folding chairs. Goodwill, here I come!

Finally got the bill for my surgery nearly two months ago, and I have to call them. I hate making phone calls.

Funeral tomorrow for my family doctor, who died suddenly on Monday. Canton on Saturday, Norton on Sunday to meet with possible minister for the wedding before driving to Cambridge for a bridal shower at 3pm. Work till Wednesday and help my mom scour the house so it's perfect for hosting Thanksgiving dinner on - duh - Thanksgiving.
And there's more but you're already bored and I'm getting stressed so I'm shutting it now.

Now it's my turn.

Okay. So, there's this blog I read called biscuit (idk how to link things, so we'll leave it at that...) and I've been reading her blog for months but today she posted a semi-intro about herself.

I'm a copycat. So it's my turn.

I'm Emily.

I don't do long walks on the beach, I hate the color pink, and there's a unicorn over there.

I'm weird. Like, super weird, especially when it comes to my sense of humor. It's just... no one gets it. And they think I'm mean. I'm really not, I promise!

Sarcasm just doesn't translate in text. And according to my finace, you never know if I'm being serious when I'm talking either.

Yup. I'm engaged! :D

This blog was actually started kind of a long time ago and really I used it to keep my family up-to-date on my life when I lived in Connecticut. So there are some really super effing long posts that I do not expect anyone to ever read. So don't bother, it'll probably just bore you.

I like to write, and I'm wordy (another family trait... blame my ancestors) but I have trouble being inspired. Hence the stealing of biscuit's idea.

Admittedly, I care far too much about how I look, mostly in terms of weight. Which is stupid, because I am perfectly normal and I like food, thank you very much.

Caffeine gives me panic attacks, so I don't drink soda or coffee and I can't eat chocolate. I'm also almost a vegetarian (I eat chicken sometimes).

I'm pale. But I discovered yesterday that I do not have ivory skin. I have alabastor skin. And I found makeup to match. This makes me almost stupidly excited.

Unlike a lot of people, I have NO IDEA what I want to be when I grow up. I'm 24. I have a Bachelor of Arts in Communications with minors in English and theater. Have I used any of it? Nope! Go me!

I love love love trivia. Trivial Pursuit is actually my favorite game, and I have at least three books of useless information.

Twitter? What's that? I Facebook. Feel free to become my friend. (www.facebook.com/emily.blood) But if you do, be sure to write a message to tell me who you are, otherwise I'll reject you.

Making friends is kinda easy for me. However, I have no friends within a 15 minute drive of my house. In fact, they're spread pretty much all over the U.S. and parts of Europe. In moving, I intend for that to change. We shall see.

I am of the opinion that I am very boring. I apologize if you think that's true.

MUSIC. I sing a lot, but usually when no one can really hear me. Solos make me nervous. My whole family is musical, and we sing the doxology in, like, twelve part harmony at our gatherings (reunions, Turkey Day, Christmas, etc). Maybe someday I'll figure out how to post a video of me/my family singing. We're pretty fantastical, if I do say so myself.

However, regardless of the above statement, I don't like Glee. Figure THAT one out.

I crochet. And knit. And sew. Be jealous.

Aaaaand I'm done. Have a great day.

So here's a story.

So now I'm going to tell you about my best friend. Because she's basically the coolest person ever. And hopefully she doesn't mind.

Meet Jessie.


Jessie likes Vogue magazine, care packages, and Spanish moss.


We like to vintage and thrift and find used books and go to Starbucks to crochet on warm nights.




***filling empty space***

When we hang out, most of the time I'm on my comp and she's on hers and we don't talk unless we want to.

This one time, we made cupcakes. It was epic.

She lives 4.5 hours away from me, in KY, and has a Southern accent. Soon, though, she'll only be 1.5 hours away, and that will be ah-mazing.



Obviously there's more to her, but she's my best friend and I don't like to share.

Be jealous.