Really?? You too?!?

Last Saturday I had the wonderful fortune of spending the late evening with friends eating gourmet food at the local Steak-N-Shake and after finishing a short conversation with one of the guys I tuned into the girls to discover they were discussing blogs. As the writer of a blog I joined in eagerly.



One of the other girls also writes a blog, one that I had read previously, especially to find out the particulars of the engagement to her now-husband. I stopped reading her blog because a) she stopped writing one and b) I had the overwhelming feeling that her life was significantly better and more interesting than my own. I told her that, and was subsequently floored when it turns out that she stopped reading blogs altogether for awhile because she felt the same way! This girl who is happily married to an amazing Christian man, holds a position as an admissions counselor at the local university, attends a local church at which she has many good friends, and a million other little things believes her life to be just as boring as mine, a single 24-yr old girl still living with her parents working a temporary job adjusting insurance claims with no close friends within a hundred miles.



It's amazing how easy it is to prefer someone else's life because we're so accustomed to our own.



For a long time I have believed that if I moved somewhere else, got a different job, attended a different church, that suddenly my life would take on some meaning. That I would find a group of Christian friends I could spend time with, have a successful career doing something I enjoy, that living in a city instead of a very small town in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio, would give me more opportunity to discover myself.



And perhaps it will, once I find the right place.



Moving to CT didn't do it for me. I did find friends, but only a small handfull of them were Christians, and most of the time I was with Neal hanging in my apartment watching Law & Order SVU, the only TV show worth watching before 3pm. Back here in my parent's house I spend the entire morning alone, entertaining myself, often working out and then weighing myself so I can marvel at the fact that I weigh six pounds less now than I did this time last year and then nursing my poor bum knee.



It's a lonely existence.


photo from weheartit.com

Dreams of Change

I actually really wish I was going back to school this fall.

Ever since I was a kid, fall meant the annual ritual of learning new teachers and schedules and possibly making new friends and wearing new clothes and getting a new haircut and with it came the ever present feeling of major change.

And even now, three years since my last first day of school, fall brings with it that feeling, a feeling that I both love and hate.

I love the feeling because it grants me excess inspiration to put towards drawings or writings, etc, and I hate the feeling because it boils up my wanderlust and gets it moving and antsy. Having the feeling of change without actual change to accompany it, only the longing, is enough to drive a body crazy with cabin fever.

That being said, there are a few things I wish were happening this fall:

1. I wish I had a reason to buy school supplies. I have no plans to go back to school and I have no children. Therefore, no reason for school supplies *sigh*

2. I wish I were taking some kind of trip to a new place and meeting some new people and having awesome adventures. Once upon a sorority formal I was voted Most Likely To Go On An Adventure. Can't wait to feel like I've actually embarked.

3. I wish to free the genie, because I actually can't think of a third wish.

I also just love the smell of fall, the activities of fall (um, pumpkin carving, hello), the fall holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc), the food of fall (especially hot appled cider!) and most of all the colors of fall.

It's my most favoritest time of year, and I cannot wait for it to start!

PLEASE don't send me to Africa!

I go to church every Sunday (except for the ones when I visit my best friend because she attends church on Monday) and for the past three weeks each and every sermon I have heard is about missions.

Week 1: Village Vineyard in Columbus where their pastor, Josh, gave a message called Go, Give, Get. The idea is that you GO to people/places, you GIVE Jesus to them, and you GET exponentially what you gave so you have more to give later. Simple, fun, meaningful message.

Week 2: A church in Canton South that has the word "Zion" in the name, but I can't remember the name exactly right now, where a guest missionary currently serving in Bolivia told stories about his experiences in the various countries he has been to and then played the saw most beautifully.

Week 3: Friendship Baptist Church in New Concord, my home church, where our associate pastor spoke about his recent trip to Cairo, IL, with his oldest daughter.

To add to this madness, I recently purchased and began reading Red Moon Rising by Pete Greig. He writes about his experiences in England working for a crazy awesome church but feeling as though he was settling. He got restless. God had a bigger vision. So he and his wife and their son took off and drove all over Europe, visiting churches and the location for a 125 year prayer meeting and giving flowers and chocolates to prostitutes while telling them Jesus loves them and a myriad of other things that all eventually lead into him beginning the 24/7 Prayer movement that has swept the world. And as I read about these adventures and what God did with this quiet, unlikely candidate for such an amazing mission all I could think was, This man is doing everything I've always thought of doing. I want to travel Europe, meeting people and making friends and contacts and getting to know them, etc, and for the past two years I have felt that God has bigger plans for me.

I'm a restless spirit. It's hard for me to settle, and I know that if I were to settle into a normal, middle class American suburban lifestyle that I would go insane with boredom. And as I began to read that book and after three weeks of nothing but sermons about missions I'm afeared that God wants me to be a missionary.

Not that being a missionary is such a bad thing. I just know myself, and I know that I'm not exactly the best of witnesses and I hate initiative evangelism with so much passion and this would mean extensive prayer, yet another epic fail of mine. Then again, just as I wrote that I'm hearing Moses' excuses when God told him to be an Israelite HE-RO and God used him anyway.

And there's always that chance I'm interpreting this all wrong.

We shall see.