When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.
Life is never, ever what you expect.
For the longest time my only ambition was to finish school as soon as possible and get out of Ohio. Once I managed it, I realized there was nothing left to work toward, and that my original goal had been thwarted by a dislike of the place I ended up and the realization I hated my major. So what do you do when you realize you have no idea what you want out of life? Or maybe you know what you want but you aren't sure it's actually what you want, or you have no idea how to attain it. Such is my life.
When I interview last summer for a job with Fabri-Form, the President of the company asked me, "What is it you really want to do?" And I could not honestly answer his question because I myself didn't know. I told him I like to write but it's not what I want to be doing forever.
Right now this sounds like a plausible future: Find some job somewhere that pays enough for me to find and buy a log cabin in the middle of nowhere, preferably next to a body of water were I can have a row boat and go fishing if I want to, and move there, alone, eventually adopting some children. Sounds a little lonely, and the job part will probably not happen for awhile, but it's a nice picture. A fire in the fireplace on cold winter nights, the light of candles and the smell of fresh baked bread... Sounds beautiful.
But unlikely.
I"m currently stuck at my parent's house with a sadly broken car. I came to interview for a job I didn't want and never had the change to interview for and then my car broke. So here I sit, borrowing my family's clothes (thank goodness for sisters), eating free food, and eventually taking my dad's car back to CT with me so I can pack up my stuff and come home to stay.
*sigh* sometimes life is so lame, but even so it's always worth living.
Pathetic endng, but there it is.
