Slowly, very slowly, we come down to it. The final hour. The one year mark of my mom's passing.
I absolutely cannot believe it has been a year. Honestly it feels like a lifetime ago while also feeling like yesterday. Or the day before yesterday, a time when Mom was here and healthy and just a phone call away. Even though this month has been rough for me, and probably will be for a long time to come, I keep trying to remember the good times. I remind myself that, even though those 18 days of horror while Mom was in hospice were 18 days I would never, ever wish to relive, there were some moments that have become my favorite memories.
Today I was thinking a lot about my sisters, about how we all live so far apart now and don't see each other as often as we used to, and I suddenly was reminded of that first night spent at my parents house on January 12, 2011. With so many people in the house the sleeping situation was... interesting. It meant that I and all three of my sisters and one brother in-law spent the night all crammed into Anne's little room. Her bed was in there and we managed to squeeze a roll away bed in there and then a ton of blankets and sleeping bags and maybe an air mattress cushioned three people on the floor. It was snowing heavily outside, and it was probably around 11pm and we're all snuggled up in bed laughing hysterically at Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. It was a wonderfully fun time, one that I will always cherish, and it reminds me that no matter what the circumstances, when we're in times of sorrow we band together and hold one another up. The same thing happened at my grandmother's funeral back in 2004. There was a single couch in the viewing area of the funeral home and somehow all four of us squeezed ourselves onto it and we were making each other laugh. No matter what happens we have been able to find the joyful side, the humorous side, of life.
Anyway, there isn't any real plan for Sunday except that Johnny and I are going to head down and visit Mom and hang out with Jennie and her friend at the house and order pizza and play video games and oh, the times we'll have! In the meantime I'll remember my mom, as much as I can, and remind myself every day what made her so special and the ways in which I am very much her daughter. I am determined to be the kind of daughter that would make her proud.
P.S. My birthday is a week from today. Who is excited besides me?!?!?!? ;-)
