I managed I to get here to my parent's house on Wednesday evening to find the family room rearranged and a hospital bed set up where the couch used to be. Mom was lying there, my little sister curled up next to her, my older sister on the couch. She seemed fairly perky and was telling some stories that I managed to record on my phone. I actually bought a digital recorder so I can get her telling stories and just talking. A family friend suggested, after reading my blog, that I chronicle my mom's life. When I mentioned it to another friend he suggested I make that my book, the book I have always wanted to write but never found the right story.
Anyway, she had a good evening but then she could not sleep that night and she was in pain. She hasn't managed to eat anything but ice chips for three and a half days. She's skeletal with a HUGE bloated stomach. Yesterday was a bad day due to some upset stomach and a lot of pain and she didn't feel as though she rested. She went to bed early but couldn't fall asleep, so we all went down to talk to her and she talked to each one of us. I went to bed afraid she wouldn't wake up this morning, so when I got up to start work I went down just to make sure she was still breathing...
The house is full of relatives and the afternoons are packed with friends. My boss was kind enough to let me take a half day today so I could spend time with my family.
And this weekend I'm in a wedding. My whole family is invited, but there's no way mom is going anywhere. She barely leaves the hospital bed. And the whole time I'm standing there I won't be able to enjoy my friend's wedding because my heart will be home with my mom. I don't even know if I'm going to church on Sunday. And I just don't even know what to say. If I don't think about it I'm numb, if I do think about it I cry. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to do, to watch someone I love die slowly by inches...
Please keep praying for our family. We're all still hoping for a miracle.
1 comment:
Emily -
Your blog entries are lovely.
It's gracious of your boss to let you have the afternoon off to be w/ your family, but you might want to check w/ your human resources office to see if you can have some family/medical leave time. It's for times like this.
Watching someone you love die from cancer like this is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. I'm glad you all have faith, it will help immensely.
It's ok to feel like a yo-yo at your friend's wedding with all that's going on. We were in the process of replacing our old car when my mother was being put on hospice (Alzheimers), and it was a very schizophrenic moment when I was standing on the porch of the people whose car we ended up buying and having the hospice people call on my cell phone. Utter disconnect - like I was on 2 planets at the same time.
Prayers and blessings,
Sally (I'm a friend of Polly)
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