Update 16

So, I was going to watch a movie but realized I should probably do my blog post before I get sucked in and then crash from exhaustion.

Last night was rough. I couldn't sleep to begin with, but then when I did sleep Mom would cough loudly and wake me every hour or so. It had a phlegm-y sound to it, and at one point actually choked her a little and we had to help her sit up. That cough has continued all through today and, according to the nurse, it's one of the three signs of "The End". She said it's not phlegm but some secretion in the lungs that is being coughed up. Not a pleasant thought at all, especially since she has also gotten too weak to stand, even with help, or even to really sit up. She can no longer swallow anything, and we have to use a sponge on a stick soaked in morphine to give her pain medication. Dad created a paste from the Xanax and rubs it on the inside of her cheek so it absorbs. But because she can't take meds like she was able to before she groans a lot, is really restless, and the stress lines between her brows seem permanently etched into her skin.

She has, however, been able to speak a little today. When we were all up eating dinner Aunt Polly actually came up to the table to tell Dad that Mom just put her hands to her mouth and "yelled" his name. Sometimes she'll ask to get up not so she can go to the bathroom but so she can just hug Dad. At one point she was coughing or sitting up or something like that and she asked, weakly, "aren't you going to gather around me?" So she knows we're here, and she loves having us around her so she can see us. Yesterday Erin leaned over her while she sat in the wing chair and said "Hi Mom, it's Erin!" and Mom reached up and hugged her. I admit to being jealous. I don't remember the last hug I had from my mommy.

Otherwise we've been playing music for her in the DVD player so that it fills the room with the sounds of worship. All of Mom's favorite music, the CD of the five of us singing in 2002, an album I burned for Mom weeks ago that she never listened to... It's nice to hear more than just the sound of people talking, typing, or texting.

Our cousin Hannah finally made it here today in time for dinner and we have a very short time with her before she flies back to Utah tomorrow afternoon. However, it's nice to have her here at all, and good that she gets to see Mom one time before it's over.

As it is, we thank all of you, our readers, for your comments, your prayers, your help, and especially to my readers that don't really know me or my mom... I'm sorry I've been such a downer, but I promise I'll be back soon with posts that aren't quite so depressing. It isn't my goal to make all of you cry all the time, but really this is the only way to keep everyone informed and it means we don't have to tell the same story over and over and over and over and over and over.

On a completely unrelated note, I have a burned CD in the car of music I enjoy singing along with and the other day when my Dad borrowed my car that CD was playing. Normally he just turns off my music, but apparently he actually liked what he was hearing and he asked me to burn him a copy! !!!! So I did! I did warn him, however, to listen through the CD and pick which songs he actually wants since I'm positive he has no interest in Darren Criss singing Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" from Glee.

In any case, "Because [she] loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue her; I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name. She will call upon me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver her and honor her. With long life I will satisfy her and show her my salvation." ~Psalm 91:14-16