Diagnosis: Scatterbrain

Once upon a time, roughly two years ago or so, there was this girl named Emily who had everything together. Her bills were paid early, she had a job that gave her more than enough money, she was organized and all was good. 


Then one day she quit her job and began preparations for moving back with her parents 650 miles away and the Sunday before her move she was in a car accident that totaled her father's car and she was stranded. Stressed and in whiplash pain she cried and then presented a stiff upper lip as her family solved the problem by sending her brother in-law, with whom she had never spent time with alone before, in an Enterprise Rent-A-Van to come get her and all of her belongings. 


When she got back to her parent's house she slept on the couch for a month while the tenant living in her old room finished her student teaching, graduated, and moved back to her hometown. Due to this Emily was disorganized. Almost all of her belongings were in the garage and the rest were spread around as her packing job had been hasty. Suddenly she found herself in a state of disarray, attempting to pay off her bills and make phone calls to discontinue services with various cable, electric and so on companies. Finally it was all taken care of, but she was quickly going broke as she had no job. 


Fast forward to the present. Emily's bills are on time at best, she has nearly run out of money more than once, must pay attention to her spending and has found herself to be completely disorganized. 


And it drives. Her. CRAZY.

I can't STAND feeling out of control.

I never thought I was that much of a control freak until I realized how scattered I've become. I can't figure the reason for it, as I live in my own space now, but for some reason things are easily misplaced and forgotten and, to add insult to injury, I have been feeling progressively more stupid with every passing day. Part of me wants to go back to school just to get some semblance of sanity back into my life.

I really wasn't terribly bad until I moved to Cincinnati. Now I have significantly more bills to pay, and they're spread out across the month instead of being all at the same time as they were two years ago. I also don't get paid near as much as I did back then, so I have to pay as the due dates come or I'd be broke. I mean, I only just went grocery shopping the day before yesterday for the first time in probably a month or more because of my paycheck debacle and upcoming bills.

I REALLY need a day planner so I can organize my life.

I also need to read/learn more instead of spending so much time in front of my computer doing absolutely nothing. So to try to remedy this I began reading Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne last night. And I LOVE it. I'm often a little wary of reading the classics, as they tend to be rather dry and a tad over my head as I have not grown up in the same era as the writer and therefore the jokes make no sense to me. However, I really enjoy this book so far, and have a notebook and dictionary handy for those moments when he uses words I don't already know.

Already, from changing my habit even just for one day, I have felt a slight change. Today, instead of wasting time doing other things, I finally signed up for my medical and dental benefits and have that out of the way. I also hope to do some drawing or writing. It's lovely that I'm not travelling this weekend because I honestly believe that has contributed to my insanity. Having an evening where I don't have a strict bedtime and where I don't have to wake up at 5am the next day is absolutely marvelous. And having a day where I don't have to be anywhere is equally marvelous, as it means I will be giving my apartment a much needed cleaning and purging, and I will be doing some cooking. I bought the stuff to make more of my homemade black bean burgers and will spend tomorrow afternoon working on that, as well as putting together casseroles and soups and possibly even making some cookies so that I have more options during the week. Lately it's been a cheese quesadilla every night. Mostly because that's what sounds good, and it's fast and I have the stuff to make it.

Plus Johnny will be coming to visit tomorrow night and staying through Monday morning. :) Oh, glorious weekend at home!

Wedding Planning = a pain in the...

Okay. So. This whole guest list thing is annoyingly, ridiculously stressful. No matter what someone is going to be offended because we have a list of 266 people and cannot possibly afford to invite them all and stay under budget. With just relatives we have over 150, so this is going to be insane. Assuming they all come, of course.

We've decided to meet at the court house on Monday. Just send your gifts to my apartment.

Just kidding. We'd be shot, stabbed, quartered, buried, and then eventually used as fire starters by all the very upset relatives.

But seriously, once the guest list is taken care of everything else is easy peasy. Dad's ordering a tent, I have two options lined up for photographers, my mind is full of decorating ideas, and everything will hopefully just fall into place. Now, to make the list shorter...

I know that not everyone invited will come... but if they do, we cannot possibly afford that many people. And in the meantime, it is seriously stressing me out. That, and my messy apartment. The lack of money and food was also contributing, but since I got paid and went shopping that ship has sailed and left the Nina and the Santa Maria for me to contend with. The cleaning ship will depart this weekend, since I FINALLY will be staying home for the first time in over a month and will be deep cleaning everything in this place, putting things away, sorting through the mail, etc. And it will help my stress levels immensely. I also hope to invest in some plants for my balcony.

Till then, I'll just continue to throw things across the room. It makes me feel better.

What An Absolutely Beautiful Day

I'm currently sitting on a blanket under a tree at a park in Canton South enjoying the shade, the sunshine, and the breeze. Absolutely gorgeous day. I just came from eating lunch with Johnny in the parking lot of the warehouse he works in and I discovered mit new fave drink at starbucks. In the winter I always get the caramel apple spice but it's entirely too hot for that today so instead I got the passion iced tea lemonade. SO GOOD. I only got a tall so it was gone entirely too fast but that's okay. I have a few other things I could write about, like my paycheck fiasco or how much I dislike driving so far all the time but it's just too pretty so I'm going to read instead.

Only 98 days till the wedding! So much to do!

Here's a pic of the tree I'm sitting under.

Have a great weekend!

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Going to the Chapel

My little sister is officially married to her boyfriend of almost 10 years. I know it's official not just because I was there but also because her last name and relationship status has changed on Facebook. ;-) Now it's officially my turn, as my bridal shower date for my mom's side of the family has already been chosen and Dad has finally begun to discuss final plans with me. All of this would be significantly easier if my Mom were here, but since there's nothing I can do about that I just need to suck it up and get 'er done.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful. Anne managed to lose over 15 pounds prior, her dress (created by my older sister) suited her exactly, the men looked super sharp in their white tuxes/military dress, and the whole shindig culminated in a saber salute by a Marine guard.

She stuck to very traditional stuff, minus the music prior to the ceremony. As a Star Wars buff, all of her music was Star Wars related up until Pachabel's Canon in D, the Bridal March, and Wedding Recessional. Of course, being the maid of honor I was in the basement playing checkers with the bride to keep her calm until it was that time, so I never got to hear the Star Wars music.

Everything went exactly to plan, and there were no mishaps thanks to my long nails and Jennie's ability to make me giggle at a moment's notice. Allow me to explain.

Ever since I was three I have spent quite a bit of time on stage, and due to this I rarely get nervous. But for some reason, when it came to my turn to walk up the aisle and onto the stage for the ceremony I began to shake like a leaf. I made it up the aisle without tripping (unlike at the rehearsal where I nearly biffed it on the stairs on our way out the side doors) and onto the stage where I found it incredibly hard to stand still and spent most of my time and energy keeping myself from a panic attack. My easiest time on stage was when I was fixing Anne's veil and train and taking her bouquet. As the shaking got worse I'm pretty sure it became visible to people in the front rows, so I turned my head slightly and whispered "I'm shaking" to Jennie.
"Why are you shaking?" she asked. "I have no idea." She she leans forward slightly and whispers, "I'm on a boat." (for reference to why this is funny, watch this clip.).

You can totally tell Jennie is talking to me, lol...

Giggling helped me, as did digging my finger nails into my palm behind the bulk of Anne's bouquet, and I made it through the ceremony without a panic attack or fainting, which would have been ridiculously embarrassing. I also didn't trip on my way out. :)

Moving on, the reception was also lovely. It was in one of the college dining halls, but it was still really nice and the food was extremely good. We had dancing, and Anne had the traditional Father/Daughter dance, which they did to Butterfly Kisses, at Dad's request. That song is a tear jerker anyway, but it's exponentially moreso at a wedding reception. Jennie and I both teared up while Johnny put his arms around my shoulders and gave some sympathy and asked about the song, which I don't think he's heard before. I "caught" the bouquet (it hit the ceiling and landed on the floor a good four feet in front of all the girls closest to me. I reluctantly picked it up, considering it's my fifth or sixth bouquet and I already know I'm next...) and then we realized the one mistake of the day.

We. Forgot. The. Garter.

Her dress was too fitted to wear the garter during the ceremony, and it was a lovely handmade creation given by a friend of Mom's who asked both Anne and me what our wedding colors were. I have one also. But I guess Anne gets to keep it now because the reception garter was ribbon cut from a maid's bouquet tied to Anne's leg and then tied to a fork so it could be tossed.

Classy, right? But if that's the only thing that goes wrong at a wedding, that's pretty much amazing. Well, I guess another thing went "wrong", but not really. None of the bridal party remembered to bring stuff with which to decorate the getaway car so in the middle of the reception the best man and a groomsman and I went downtown and got helium balloons and ribbon and tied them to the getaway car. We were also going to do streamers but IGA doesn't carry them anymore so balloons was it! And it was worth it because it was very rainbow and Anne really liked it. I have no idea what Jarrod thought, as he's the strong silent type.

It was all very exhausting but it was just beautiful, everything a wedding should be and exactly how my wedding will not be. I'm less traditional and a little more retro than Anne. Johnny and I are deep in planning now and hopefully our day will be every bit as lovely and special and wonderful as Anne and Jarrod's.

I Have A Cold

Seriously. My nose is dripping off my face, I just got my voice back, I'm coughing and sneezing non-stop, and I went to work today. NO interest in cooking, since it's so darn warm outside, so I went to Panera and got food to go. I'm always so excited about the lemonade, but today's lemonade has the faint taste and smell of nail polish remover. Total waste of money, and I'm super bummed. However, I did get an orange scone for breakfast in the morning.

I finally began as a full time employee on Monday, which was SO boring. We sat in a classroom for the entire morning and then our managers were supposed to take us to lunch. Well, I and the other new hire from my department Sara were picked up by Joel, our manager, and he then told us to "have fun" and we proceeded to have a two hour lunch with just us. Which was totally fine, Sara's really cool so it all worked out. We tried really hard to have a two hour lunch, we really did... but you really run out of stuff to do fast. However, we did get to leave work early, which was lovely. Now I'm a full blown employee, and I'm just waiting for them to teach me how to use the time clock so I can actually get paid for it...

My little sister gets married in THREE DAYS. How insane is that? And I, her lovely maid of honor, will be coughing and pretending my cold is just me getting sentimental. I promise I will get on here and post pictures once we have some.

Sorry I don't post much anymore. I haven't had much to say, mostly because my word vomit gets me into trouble without me realizing it. Blunt sarcasm doesn't translate well onto paper.

Anyway, this tornado weather has been absolute insanity, my heart goes out to those who have been affected by it (Joplin, MO, for starters...). We've had some insane weather and a lot of tornado watches and warnings but no sightings or me hiding in the bathroom in awhile.

How are all of you, my lovely readers? I hope you all stay safe. :) Happy Wednesday!

For Today, 25 is OLD!

Wowza. I'm sorry. I haven't posted in kind of a really long time! But now I have time, since I'm just lying in bed still with my fiance's MacBook putting off getting up, showering, eating and heading out to Goodwills in the Canton area to start canvasing for wedding reception decorations.

Since I last talked to y'all, my younger sister graduated from college, I finally got promoted at my job from temp to full time (which becomes official as of May 23rd, which also happens to be the 30th anniversary of my parent's wedding...) and I FINALLY went grocery shopping.

Also, yesterday marks eleven months for my Johnny and me, and we are now below the four month mark for the wedding! Which means I need to get crackin'...

All of this makes me feel super old. It doesn't help that today one of my Facebook friends posted the link to a blog that posted 40 Things That Will Make You Feel Old. Things like Clarissa is 35 now, the Pepsi girl is 19, all 18 year olds were born in 1993, Tommy and the Rugrats are all in their 20s by now, and there hasn't been a new Goosebumps book in 14 years!

Excuse me while I listen to Killer Tofu by The Beets with my good buddy Doug over here...

I also created a Facebook event for my little sister's Bachelorette Party next weekend. Then the weekend after that she gets married. MARRIED. Next thing you know we'll all be 50 and our kids will talk about the good ole days when the iPhone was in and how much better it is to just have a chip implanted under your skin so you can communicate with people and a first date is a teleport to watch an old black and white film on the moon.

Or we could go the route of the great Roman Empire and all be thrown back to the dark ages and we'll tell fantastical tales of these amazing inventions called mp3 players while holding up an ancient iPod nano that no longer works and has nearly imploded.

In either case, sometimes I just want to go back to the good old days when I came home from school and watched Saved By The Bell until mom called us for dinner, which we all ate around the dining room table together, before going outside and playing until it was too dark to see. Summer break is an illusion now, since I'm not a teacher, and life is infinitely more complicated.

*sigh*

Nostalgia.

It'll get you every time.

Once Upon a College Day Dreary...

Do you ever have those days where you reflect on life and everything in it and eventually begin to question what it really means to live and breathe and end by finding yourself marveling at the hand you're now holding two inches from your face?

Yeah, me either.

In all seriousness, though, the ugly, dreary, never ending rainy weather (mixed with some other things) has me in the most melancholy mood, inspiring me to examine my life and what I think of it right now. In order to do this I tend to look back on my life as it was and when I want to do that I turn to my journals.

My freshman year of college I began writing in a makeshift journal, this bright orange folder (bottom of that stack!) from H.S. English, the kind with the three prongs? I filled it with notebook paper and began writing just as my senior year of high school ended. Now, seven years later, I have completed twelve journals, spanning six of those seven years, and am working on the thirteenth. However, now that I am no longer in college and don't have the time I once had, it has taken me over a year to get 1/3 of the way through my current journal. There were times where I didn't write for a month or more and then would sit down and write a five page entry, trying my hardest to fill in the blanks. As of today I have decided that this is unacceptable and will hopefully write in my journal at least once every day. But I digress.

Sometimes I really regret bringing out those old journals. There is much that I am ashamed of, as I am sure is true for pretty much anyone. However, I also enjoy them because it is undeniable proof of just how far I've come since I was eighteen. Most of my early journals were all about some boy or another and got somewhat redundant after awhile. I often wrote a list of what I intended to eat that day, what workout I had done, how much weight I had lost (I lost a good ten pounds my freshman year of college, something that made everyone who knew me very worried), how much more I needed to lose, etc, etc etc. There are also some unexpected entries, like the death of my grandmother and, a couple years later, the death of my cousin. I'll find things I had forgotten and other things that caused me to laugh... I am very glad I have those journals. And what's even better is that my handwriting got worse every year so the only person who can really read it is me. :)

What is the point of these journals, you ask?

I am a verbal processor. I have to dwell on things for a long time and write about them and, sometimes, talk about them before coming to any kind of conclusion. Sometimes I have an epiphany. But because I often had no one to discuss these things in my head with I would write about them at length in my journals. Some of these journals were finished in less than six months, notebooks that were twice as thick as the one I'm currently writing in.

Thankfully I have also come a very long way since the folder/notebook journal. Since I was almost always seen writing it became commonplace for people to give me journals for Christmas, my birthday, just because, and so on. I also bought quite a few... I have lots of journals that haven't even been used yet.

So now, having skimmed through some of those old, confusing and silly journals, I will now go write in my current journal. REALLY write, for as long as I can. My brain is so disorganized, but hopefully it won't be once I'm done!