Home sweet home for four glorious days. At times it felt like I'd never left, like I'd only been on a long vacation, an out-of-body experience, or sleeping for a few months. The only difference was that I don't have a bedroom anymore. The boarder sleeps there. But that was okay because in four short days I saw almost every single person that I love in this State.
Sunday began with a long drive and a flight. We flew down to Baltimore where I ran into one of the admissions counselors from my college (who happened to be on the same flight into Columbus) and then flew over to Columbus and picked up a rental car. It's a pretty nice car, a 2009 Hyundai Accent. Black. Nothing is automatic but the transmission. But a nice car, and good on gas mileage. We drove to the nearest restaurant where Neal got out of the driver's seat and I took over to take us into downtown to visit my sister and brother-in-law. Fifteen minutes later found us at North Market eating samosas and Jeni's ice cream and chatting it up with church friends of the newlyweds. An hour later, after a long chat, we took off for home and proceeded to get stuck in traffic due to a three car(well, one truck, one van and an RV) pileup. Traffic literally stopped and I actually put the car into park. Neal nearly got out to go ask the semi-truck driver what was going on. We called my family to tell them we'd be later than we had originally thought. Due to my visit we decided to have my little sister's 21st birthday celebration a week early. We did finally arrive, but it took half an hour longer than it should have. The remainder of the evening included really good food, friends visiting, and the birthday song sung in three part harmony.
It also, however, included a discussion of my parent's current health situation.
The growth that was removed from my mother's body last week was malignant. she has to go back in for testing to make sure the cancer hasn't spread anywhere else. They aren't worried as of yet because #1 there's a phenomenal prayer chain all across the nation for my family, #2 it's an extremely rare form of cancer and #3 the last case my mom's doctor came across was fifteen years ago and that woman had three different lumps removed and hasn't had a problem since. So I'm not that worried, but I will be a little until she goes for testing and we get the results.
After this conversation I went up to my sorority house to see the girls and chat and then came home to sleep.
Monday. I was awake early, since I sleep on the couch and half the house is up before 8. But I'm okay with that because it means I have more time in my day to do things, to talk to my mom, to get myself ready, to plan. I wrote in my journal on the front porch in the warm breeze and cried a little as I did so. Neal and I took off after some time with my mom and visited the preschool for a bit, where I reconnected with Tristan the troublemaker, and then walked all over town. We went for lunch at the coffee shop downtown where I ate chicken for the first time since Valentine's day and enjoyed it. We then walked the remainder of main street and headed up to the college where I gave him the tour of campus and my dad gave him the tour of the new football locker rooms. I took him all over campus, from one end to the other, and then up to Montgomery Hall to visit all my old coworkers and have a chat with each. I talked about how much I hate my job and that I really miss Ohio and the slowness of it and how much nicer people are here than they are on the East Coast. Stories were told, plans were made, and then I went to choir. My good friend Dorothy, whom I haven't seen in months because she spent last year in Spain, came running up to me and gave me a big hug and we talked for a bit. When she started talking just to Neal I excused myself and headed up front to see Adam. While I talked to Adam, Danielle ran up and tackled me. More plans were made until Bob yelled at everyone to get on stage and then Neal and I sat, listened to them warm up and start to practice, and then we left to go visit the Business Office, which we originally missed because of not enough time before choir. After all this we finally went back to the house to chill with my mom and watch some old videos before going out to eat at Theo's restaurant with Jennie and Anne.
Tuesday. Up later than Monday due to staying up late chatting on instant messenger with Kenny about all kinds of things, especially how I was going to be in Cincinnati and then how he was going to Chicago and the stuff he wanted to do there. My mom cooked eggs for herself and Neal and we sat and talked for awhile just chilling out until Neal and I left to go pick up Adam and his friend Jake to go eat at the Chinese Buffet. This was good and also great fun and the fortunes were totally lame. We came back relatively soon in time to play Scrabble with my mom and her friend Susan. Since Neal and I play Scrabble on a regular basis with his mom we've gotten pretty good, but my mom beat us all and I, who usually wins against Neal, lost, go figure. But it was fun, and we had a good time until afterwards when Susan began asking about my job and my life in Connecticut. I, being a female who has been under severe stress for months now and holding it all in, cried as I talked about it and Susan sympathized and gave advice, as she usually does, and at the end of it all she and my mom prayed for me. Neal disappeared somewhere in the midst of the crying. Mom volunteered me to drive Susan home (she'd been dropped at the house by her husband in their one car) and when I went to tell Neal where I was going he told me that I need to get out of Connecticut and that he was okay with me leaving if it would make me happy. And that has become my plan. I will move back to the midwest before Thanksgiving whether I find a new job or not. I'll work two part-times if I have to. I came back, changed my clothes, washed up and fixed my makeup, and then Neal and I left for Cincinnati to visit Jessie. This was the part of the trip I was most looking forward to, seeing my best friend for the first time in months, even though it was only for an hour or so. We met up at a Buffalo Wild Wings that I'd found relatively close to the interstate and I ate chicken, yet again, and we just sat and talked about whatever. Of course food doesn't last that long so once everything was consumed we went to the rental car and took a drive to a park-looking thing down the street to walk around for a bit. It seems, though, that we brought CT weather with us because once we got here it got very cold and rainy so the jaunt around the park-like area, which turned out to be a high school, was kind of chilly. The visit was too short, but I'll see her again soon enough and we text all the time so it's not like we aren't in contact. We got home relatively early and watched Iron Man. Rather, Neal watched Iron Man and I got tired and went to bed early.
Wednesday. On Monday my friend Beth and I had made plans to meet up at the coffee shop on Wednesday morning to catch up, so Wednesday morning found me with crazy curly hair walking downtown for cider and scones. Beth hadn't arrived yet when I got there, but I found two women from my parent's church and sat down to talk to them for a bit. One understands my Verizon Wireless call center pain because she managed a call center until the stress kept her from sleeping and she quit. So as I talked she nodded and completely agreed with me. I've decided she'll help me on my book about what it's like to work in a place like that, kind of like The Nanny Diaries only not. Being home and seeing all these people and how happy we all are to see each other and catch up really is refreshing and definitely a stress reliever for me. Neal can see the difference. Anyway, Beth arrived shortly after and we sat down to talk and eat and we talked about life and friends and weddings and babies and anything else to can imagine. What helps me is that after listening to me talk about the life I have in CT they all are unanimous in saying that I need to leave that place. It's not healthy for me. The only person who doesn't know about this decision is my Dad, but he'll know soon enough if Mom hasn't already told him. Anyway, Beth and I talked for two hours and then split because she had to get ready for work and I needed to get home so Neal wouldn't be all alone. Though I didn't need to worry about that, since he had just woken up when I arrived. My mom was on the phone but the moment she was off she called me upstairs to tell me that my Aunt had a good idea. She and my Uncle own a heating and cooling company and are part of this bigger company called Nexstar. She has decided that, based on my experience and personality, I would make a wonderful dispatcher for a heating and cooling or plumbing company and directed me to the website and told me that if I'm interested to email her my resume when I'm back in CT and she'd post it where all the different company's owners would see it and maybe, just maybe, I'd get a job back in the midwest. I was ecstatic, and of course I said yes. In between the phone calls to and from her Neal and I went to the preschool again and then home to eat some food and relax a little. The end of the day plan included driving to Marietta to visit with Josh and his girlfriend Chelsea and then to Byesville to see the Hendersons. The Marietta thing went well considering it was ex-boyfriend and girlfriend with new boyfriend and girlfriend having dinner together like a double date. It was nice because Chelsea and Neal have no problem getting a conversation going so there was very little awkward silences and dinner went well... until Chelsea choked on her baked potato. I hear a weird noise and see Josh reach for her and look to see yellow gunk on her face under her nose, like something had come up her nose, and she went to blow it when her mouth opened wide and she sounded like she was going to throw up. Josh let her out and she ran off to the bathroom only to come back minutes later jumping up and down motioning that she can't breathe. Josh calmly got up and gave her the Heimlich until she could breathe again, and the moment she could she said "Oh, that was embarrassing" and ran off to the bathroom again. Josh told us that she tends to have little accidents like that, like how she fell flat on her face on the sidewalk on their very first date. When she came back she hunched over in her seat obviously wishing to be invisible and we left soon after. Quite the event, and I feel kind of bad because that incident is what I'll remember most from that occasion.
We got back waaay to early. June wasn't due back from Canada until 7:30 and we were back in Cambridge by 6:45 so we went to Petland to play with puppies until I got her phone call. Since June and I haven't really been close since our freshman year of college due to a whole host of reasons I was expecting a short visit. Instead we walked in and said Hey and introduced Neal and I hugged Bill and we stood in the doorway talking. It used to be that she seemed very politely interested in what I would say and it would be a very one-sided conversation. Instead we ended up sitting down and Neal sat over on a chair by himself and eventually picked up a book because june and I were talking to each other and not really to him. We moved downstairs to show and a really old, semi-embarrassing video from when June and I were nine years old and then June and I continued to talk while Neal and Bill discussed video games. June and I covered a good two years of time and she apologized for being such a jerk for all this time. We had a conversation that was like it used to be once upon a time, and I loved it. I'd missed things being normal with her, and somewhere between me moving and me coming back to visit she suddenly reevaluated her emotions and why she wasn't really my friend anymore and decided it wasn't worth it for things to continue that way. Neal and I didn't leave until 11:30.
Now it's 12:54am Thursday morning. We leave today to go back to CT where I will immediately send my resume to my aunt and hope and pray for the best, find out what I need to do to put in a two weeks notice at Verizon, begin talking to my apartment manager about leaving, and save money like a fiend.
Don't worry, Ohio. I'll be back.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Long in Staying, Slow to Leave.
Without ever leaving the country I went further out of my comfort zone than I have ever been.
How, you ask?
I got my hair cut and went out to eat.
Major letdown, right? Except that I got my hair cut at a place that gives it's customers wine while they wait and ate at a casino after my boyfriend won money at blackjack.
For some people this whole scenario is all in a day's work, but for me, backwoods midwest little me, I've never felt so out of place in my life. Except for the fact that I also felt comfortable as well. I know, oxymoron. But it was one of those days for me. You know, the kind of day where your clothes fit just right and your hair falls just so and you walk out the door knowing that everyone around you wishes they looked and felt as confident and sexy as you do.
I walked through that unknown casino like I owned the place with the new haircut for which I paid more than I ever have in my life. Then, on top of it all, I discovered that I won the recognition parking spot for the highest call quality on the floor at my job alongside a friend who actually deserves the honor. Total surprise, seeing as how only one of my scores really counted for that spot and I've only been on the floor for three weeks.
Finally, the cherry on top, I find out yesterday that my mom is having surgery on her uterus. Apparently the whole thing is coming out because they found some kind of growth and are checking it for cancer. Cancer. Just a few weeks after my dad has a minor heart attack my mom is tested for cancer, all in the same year as my new job and big move far, far away from my family. It would figure that once I actually left the state like I've always dreamed my family starts to fall apart medically.
Thankfully I get to go home to visit in a couple of weeks, though a mere four days is definitely not enough.
I always thought that going out of my comfort zone would be something more like competing for American Idol. Traveling alone to Greece. Starring in a movie. But no, getting a haircut at a fancy salon, going to a casino, living in a place where people invite their relatives to church to hear me sing... yeah, forgot to mention that part. On Sunday, the one Sunday I didn't sing on the worship team, one of our new members came up to me after to tell me her sister came expecting to hear me sing and I wasn't up there. She then proceeded to tell me that I have a beautiful voice. It's really hard for me to not get a big head, which is why a month or so off from singing will be good for me. Instead of worshipping I'm performing because I know how much everyone loves to hear me sing. It's good for me to take a break or I'll get conceited. It's just so strange after having lived in a place where I was always third or second best, or even lower, compared to my sister or someone from my school. It always kept me in my place, but here I'm a novelty. No one knows my family here, no one has heard them sing so for the first time in my life I'm noticed. Again, trying not to get a big head. It's not like I brag about it. It's just new. All of it. A strange, new world in which I don't feel I belong and which is nothing like I hoped my future life would be.
I listen to songs that take me to worlds I doubt I'll ever be part of. Big city life as a glam single woman. Vegas. L.A. to work in the movies. Spain. And yet I wish... wish I wasn't tied down here, wish I could pack up and leave it all behind. I looked seriously at quitting my job, my lease, giving my car to my sister, and packing all my stuff into a storage unit to go teach English as a Second Language in Korea this week. It was so enticing, the idea of leaving this all behind and going somewhere completely foreign. Moving to Connecticut wasn't a huge adventure for me, not when I had family here and vacationed here every summer. But Korea... I wanted to go in the worst way. But then I remembered the bills for my car, cell phone, insurance, and that I would have to pay interest on my apartment if I quit my lease in the middle. I remembered Neal, knowing that if it was what I wanted to do he'd let me go but that he would do everything he could to keep me here believing it was his fault I was leaving.
It's so hard to be a free spirit in a box, looking for every opportunity to start over, be a new person. It's more of a cage than a prison cell when you're never satisfied with who and where you are.
How, you ask?
I got my hair cut and went out to eat.
Major letdown, right? Except that I got my hair cut at a place that gives it's customers wine while they wait and ate at a casino after my boyfriend won money at blackjack.
For some people this whole scenario is all in a day's work, but for me, backwoods midwest little me, I've never felt so out of place in my life. Except for the fact that I also felt comfortable as well. I know, oxymoron. But it was one of those days for me. You know, the kind of day where your clothes fit just right and your hair falls just so and you walk out the door knowing that everyone around you wishes they looked and felt as confident and sexy as you do.
I walked through that unknown casino like I owned the place with the new haircut for which I paid more than I ever have in my life. Then, on top of it all, I discovered that I won the recognition parking spot for the highest call quality on the floor at my job alongside a friend who actually deserves the honor. Total surprise, seeing as how only one of my scores really counted for that spot and I've only been on the floor for three weeks.
Finally, the cherry on top, I find out yesterday that my mom is having surgery on her uterus. Apparently the whole thing is coming out because they found some kind of growth and are checking it for cancer. Cancer. Just a few weeks after my dad has a minor heart attack my mom is tested for cancer, all in the same year as my new job and big move far, far away from my family. It would figure that once I actually left the state like I've always dreamed my family starts to fall apart medically.
Thankfully I get to go home to visit in a couple of weeks, though a mere four days is definitely not enough.
I always thought that going out of my comfort zone would be something more like competing for American Idol. Traveling alone to Greece. Starring in a movie. But no, getting a haircut at a fancy salon, going to a casino, living in a place where people invite their relatives to church to hear me sing... yeah, forgot to mention that part. On Sunday, the one Sunday I didn't sing on the worship team, one of our new members came up to me after to tell me her sister came expecting to hear me sing and I wasn't up there. She then proceeded to tell me that I have a beautiful voice. It's really hard for me to not get a big head, which is why a month or so off from singing will be good for me. Instead of worshipping I'm performing because I know how much everyone loves to hear me sing. It's good for me to take a break or I'll get conceited. It's just so strange after having lived in a place where I was always third or second best, or even lower, compared to my sister or someone from my school. It always kept me in my place, but here I'm a novelty. No one knows my family here, no one has heard them sing so for the first time in my life I'm noticed. Again, trying not to get a big head. It's not like I brag about it. It's just new. All of it. A strange, new world in which I don't feel I belong and which is nothing like I hoped my future life would be.
I listen to songs that take me to worlds I doubt I'll ever be part of. Big city life as a glam single woman. Vegas. L.A. to work in the movies. Spain. And yet I wish... wish I wasn't tied down here, wish I could pack up and leave it all behind. I looked seriously at quitting my job, my lease, giving my car to my sister, and packing all my stuff into a storage unit to go teach English as a Second Language in Korea this week. It was so enticing, the idea of leaving this all behind and going somewhere completely foreign. Moving to Connecticut wasn't a huge adventure for me, not when I had family here and vacationed here every summer. But Korea... I wanted to go in the worst way. But then I remembered the bills for my car, cell phone, insurance, and that I would have to pay interest on my apartment if I quit my lease in the middle. I remembered Neal, knowing that if it was what I wanted to do he'd let me go but that he would do everything he could to keep me here believing it was his fault I was leaving.
It's so hard to be a free spirit in a box, looking for every opportunity to start over, be a new person. It's more of a cage than a prison cell when you're never satisfied with who and where you are.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Diary of an Old Soul
"I've been on the move for a year. Never stay in one place more than a week." ~Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.
If only.
One of my friends lives in the Philippines as a certified scuba instructor. My cousin once lived in the Virgin Islands working as first mate on a yacht. She now lives in Utah, rappelling and hiking and basically being made of awesome. Other friends studied abroad in Spain or Scotland. Others joined the military. So what's wrong with me?
"Think with me for a moment. How has life turned out differently from the way you thought it would?... How about your work, your place in the world - do you go to bed each night with a deep sense of having made a lasting contribution? Do you enjoy ongoing recognition for your unique successes? Are you even working in a field that fits you? Are you even working at all? Now, what if I told you that this is how it will always be, that this life as you now experience it will go on forever just as it is, without improvement of any kind? Your health will stay as it is, your finances will remain as they are, your relationships, your work, all of it. It is hell." ~John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire
It is rare now that a day goes by I don't ask God if my life is what it's supposed to be. John Eldredge writes that everyone has a secret desire, that desire for life as it was meant to be, and I believe that I desire for that life with more fervor than most. He claims that most of us don't think about it, we go through life forgetting that desire.
Not me.
Neal and I drove to New Haven today to a music store so I could find some new piano pieces. Before we even left, sitting in the car I asked if he was okay. He'd been a little quiet and preoccupied all day, and he tried to say nothing was wrong. He wasn't okay, but nothing was wrong. I wrung it out of him, finally, and he said I'd been very distant lately and that it bothers him because he believes it to be his fault. As we pulled into a Mobil station I made it very clear that it was not his fault at all, and as we drove down to New Haven words started falling out of my mouth. I'd held them in for far too long. I explained that it wasn't him, it's me. I know that line is cliche, but so true.
I am never satisfied. I have no ambition in life. I went into college with absolutely no idea what I would major in, and as I finished college I had no idea where to start looking for a job. Nothing seemed worthwhile or interesting and, living in a place like Southeastern Ohio, there's very little opportunity for anything adventurous beyond farming or business. As I worked at the preschool I dreamed of traveling Europe, visiting countries I had never seen and getting to know people who's language I couldn't speak and just constantly moving from place to place getting to know everyone and anyone until I finally realized who I was and the purpose I have in this life. I dreamed of getting married and having children, but I didn't want the suburban life. Therein posed a problem, the problem of being a nomad and traveling and yet also settling down to have a family and a husband and a life full of friends and fun and fellowship. I couldn't decide if I was a hippie or a city chick, a country girl or a hardcore feminist. Conservative or liberal. Single or taken. Content or not. Usually not. I lived with a passionate desire to be "anywhere but here", thinking that if I was somewhere else where I could be whomever I wanted to be, not "Ken's daughter" or "Erin/Jennie/Anne's sister", but once I got to anywhere but there and spent some time I realized that it still wasn't enough. I'm still not satisfied. I'm working a job in order to pay my bills and live my life and yet all I can wish for is to be somewhere else, to just pack up and leave it all behind. Deep down, in the lowest vestiges of my being, I'm a nomad. I'm here and then I'm not. I hate being trapped in a box. What do I fear?
"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire" (The Two Towers).
What makes this hard is the emotional ties I have to the places I go. On one hand it's hard to leave, hard to let go for so many reasons that I couldn't possibly list them. On the other hand it's easy because, after awhile, the desire to leave overcomes the want to please everyone instead of following my heart. I don't want to spend my life wishing I'd done something different. I don't want to die wondering who I am, who I was supposed to be, who I could have been. No regrets.
If only.
If only.
One of my friends lives in the Philippines as a certified scuba instructor. My cousin once lived in the Virgin Islands working as first mate on a yacht. She now lives in Utah, rappelling and hiking and basically being made of awesome. Other friends studied abroad in Spain or Scotland. Others joined the military. So what's wrong with me?
"Think with me for a moment. How has life turned out differently from the way you thought it would?... How about your work, your place in the world - do you go to bed each night with a deep sense of having made a lasting contribution? Do you enjoy ongoing recognition for your unique successes? Are you even working in a field that fits you? Are you even working at all? Now, what if I told you that this is how it will always be, that this life as you now experience it will go on forever just as it is, without improvement of any kind? Your health will stay as it is, your finances will remain as they are, your relationships, your work, all of it. It is hell." ~John Eldredge, The Journey of Desire
It is rare now that a day goes by I don't ask God if my life is what it's supposed to be. John Eldredge writes that everyone has a secret desire, that desire for life as it was meant to be, and I believe that I desire for that life with more fervor than most. He claims that most of us don't think about it, we go through life forgetting that desire.
Not me.
Neal and I drove to New Haven today to a music store so I could find some new piano pieces. Before we even left, sitting in the car I asked if he was okay. He'd been a little quiet and preoccupied all day, and he tried to say nothing was wrong. He wasn't okay, but nothing was wrong. I wrung it out of him, finally, and he said I'd been very distant lately and that it bothers him because he believes it to be his fault. As we pulled into a Mobil station I made it very clear that it was not his fault at all, and as we drove down to New Haven words started falling out of my mouth. I'd held them in for far too long. I explained that it wasn't him, it's me. I know that line is cliche, but so true.
I am never satisfied. I have no ambition in life. I went into college with absolutely no idea what I would major in, and as I finished college I had no idea where to start looking for a job. Nothing seemed worthwhile or interesting and, living in a place like Southeastern Ohio, there's very little opportunity for anything adventurous beyond farming or business. As I worked at the preschool I dreamed of traveling Europe, visiting countries I had never seen and getting to know people who's language I couldn't speak and just constantly moving from place to place getting to know everyone and anyone until I finally realized who I was and the purpose I have in this life. I dreamed of getting married and having children, but I didn't want the suburban life. Therein posed a problem, the problem of being a nomad and traveling and yet also settling down to have a family and a husband and a life full of friends and fun and fellowship. I couldn't decide if I was a hippie or a city chick, a country girl or a hardcore feminist. Conservative or liberal. Single or taken. Content or not. Usually not. I lived with a passionate desire to be "anywhere but here", thinking that if I was somewhere else where I could be whomever I wanted to be, not "Ken's daughter" or "Erin/Jennie/Anne's sister", but once I got to anywhere but there and spent some time I realized that it still wasn't enough. I'm still not satisfied. I'm working a job in order to pay my bills and live my life and yet all I can wish for is to be somewhere else, to just pack up and leave it all behind. Deep down, in the lowest vestiges of my being, I'm a nomad. I'm here and then I'm not. I hate being trapped in a box. What do I fear?
"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire" (The Two Towers).
What makes this hard is the emotional ties I have to the places I go. On one hand it's hard to leave, hard to let go for so many reasons that I couldn't possibly list them. On the other hand it's easy because, after awhile, the desire to leave overcomes the want to please everyone instead of following my heart. I don't want to spend my life wishing I'd done something different. I don't want to die wondering who I am, who I was supposed to be, who I could have been. No regrets.
If only.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Jobs, Jobs, Jobs.
I have a few minutes before leaving for my &%$#*@ job so I'm writing a quick update. Life is going well, though my job gets more and more unbearable. I no longer care whether I stay with Verizon or not and as soon as I'm done writing in here I will be calling in about substitute teaching and looking for part-time jobs to go with it. Subbing usually doesn't give one benefits or holiday pay, but the service I've been told about (by someone I trust who used the service in the past and is going back to it because she hates verizon as much as me) offers both. I could easily do substitute teaching, since I do have experience with children and teaching. It would get me out for the day around 2pm, I'd have weekends and holidays, I would rarely be in the same place twice, and I would much prefer it to listening to full grown adults complain about their bill or service or phone for eight hours a day. I've also been applying for administrative assistant jobs at Yale, Albertus Magnus, various hospitals and law firms and so on. I apply for something else almost every day. This week has been hectic on it's own due to the fact that I spent every morning at my church doing vacation bible school and then went to work almost immediately after. No breathing time at all. Neal and I took Monday off of work but I'm beginning to wish we'd worked on Monday and taken today off. Even so, we're going in to work (sigh) and on the way I'll be calling into Kelly Services to talk with someone about subbing. It sounds great, but I've begun to wonder about summertime next year and the days I've taken off in September to fly to Ohio and how that time would give me no pay at all. So I'm praying about it, but I'm also calling for information. Tomorrow Neal and I are headed to Southington for a friend's son's birthday party (pool... thank you Jesus) and then to hang out with her and her husband for a bit afterward. I was somewhat surprised by the invite but really like the person who invited us so it wasn't a big deal.
Either way, to sum up: my job sucks, I'm finding another, but I'm making good friends and enjoying the time I don't spend chained to a desk. Pray, HARD, for me because it's going to take strength of will to not just walk out of my job.
Either way, to sum up: my job sucks, I'm finding another, but I'm making good friends and enjoying the time I don't spend chained to a desk. Pray, HARD, for me because it's going to take strength of will to not just walk out of my job.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Almost Famous
The longer I have my job the more I wish I was doing something else. I hate customer service. Last Monday I was in tears on my way to work and even after I arrived and I actually ended up in discussion with my supervisor about whether or not I feel this is the right job for me. She told me that I'm very good at my job and that once I've developed that hard skin I won't hate the job so much anymore. I sincerely hope that is true. Otherwise she suggested that I keep the job while searching for another or that I stick it out and find a different department that suits me better. As we talked I told her about college and how I really don't know what I want to do with my life, that I love to write and draw and create and she watched, smiling, as my face lit up and she said, quietly, "You're a creator. We need creators at Verizon Wireless". So now I'm beginning to wonder about going into Marketing and Advertising with Verizon Wireless and whether it's a real possibility. I still have to finish transition and get through the remainder of the year but I will continually be looking for positions in marketing and advertising, even though I have little experience in that field. I don't really want to leave the company because, if my future goes as I currently believe it will, getting a job outside of Verizon will make the transition to a new life in a different place harder because I will have to find a different job instead of transferring to the same in a different location.
Meanwhile thoughts of trying out for American Idol float through my head, along with painting or building sets for a big deal production in New York or California or Chicago and becoming a published writer and selling books to the masses. Anything but working for Verizon. The problem is that I rarely have time for writing anymore. I mean, it's the 27th of July today. The last time I wrote was two days before my sister's wedding. I went to Ohio, came back, and continued to work and spend time with Neal and neglected any time spent by myself doing anything other than cleaning or bringing my poor plant back to life. My apartment is a disaster, I've volunteered to help with VBS at my church, my family was in town this weekend, and I haven't had time to myself other than when I'm in the shower. I look forward to a normal shift, colder days, and a job I enjoy going to.
As aforementioned my family is currently in town. On Friday they came to see my apartment and to take Neal and myself out for lunch in Middletown before work. On Saturday Neal and I got up early and went to West Haven for an outreach where I painted faces and he passed out fliers before we headed off to Windsor for a cookout at my aunt and uncle's house with a ton of people and even more food. On Sunday we woke early and drove out to the church where I practiced with the praise team at the Vineyard and sang during the service (this is where the American Idol ideas came from, since everyone came and told me what I phenomenal singer I am) after which my family and I headed to Neal's parent's for lunch/dinner and games. This morning Neal and I went grocery shopping and watched a movie and here I am, writing before work. Very little time is granted to me for my own use, though Neal would be happy to give it to me if I asked for it. Tomorrow Dad is coming to help me with my checkbook after I go to the church for VBS stuff so that alone time will begin on Wednesday, starting with a long workout to get rid of the food I ate this weekend. And life goes on. And on. And on. Suddenly 30 years feels like much too long... heck, TWO years is too long! We'll see where God takes me.
And the thing is, I know it'd be harder to be famous... but even that feels like a better proposition.
Meanwhile thoughts of trying out for American Idol float through my head, along with painting or building sets for a big deal production in New York or California or Chicago and becoming a published writer and selling books to the masses. Anything but working for Verizon. The problem is that I rarely have time for writing anymore. I mean, it's the 27th of July today. The last time I wrote was two days before my sister's wedding. I went to Ohio, came back, and continued to work and spend time with Neal and neglected any time spent by myself doing anything other than cleaning or bringing my poor plant back to life. My apartment is a disaster, I've volunteered to help with VBS at my church, my family was in town this weekend, and I haven't had time to myself other than when I'm in the shower. I look forward to a normal shift, colder days, and a job I enjoy going to.
As aforementioned my family is currently in town. On Friday they came to see my apartment and to take Neal and myself out for lunch in Middletown before work. On Saturday Neal and I got up early and went to West Haven for an outreach where I painted faces and he passed out fliers before we headed off to Windsor for a cookout at my aunt and uncle's house with a ton of people and even more food. On Sunday we woke early and drove out to the church where I practiced with the praise team at the Vineyard and sang during the service (this is where the American Idol ideas came from, since everyone came and told me what I phenomenal singer I am) after which my family and I headed to Neal's parent's for lunch/dinner and games. This morning Neal and I went grocery shopping and watched a movie and here I am, writing before work. Very little time is granted to me for my own use, though Neal would be happy to give it to me if I asked for it. Tomorrow Dad is coming to help me with my checkbook after I go to the church for VBS stuff so that alone time will begin on Wednesday, starting with a long workout to get rid of the food I ate this weekend. And life goes on. And on. And on. Suddenly 30 years feels like much too long... heck, TWO years is too long! We'll see where God takes me.
And the thing is, I know it'd be harder to be famous... but even that feels like a better proposition.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Ugh, Life!
Give me a moment to reread my last post...
So, life continues to press on. After next week I will be halfway through transition and, according to my supervisor, I am well on my way to being a leading customer service rep and, after that, a senior rep. After 6 months as a senior rep or so you can move into whatever other department you choose! I have a contact in the Human Resources department (she's the sister of one of my college professors! Small world!) and she told me that she would be more than happy to meet with me after I'm out of transition to discuss my career path. Even if I don't end up in HR, my main goal is to have a job where I deal with employees instead of customers, or where I don't have to talk on the phone at all. There are all kinds of opportunities with Verizon once you've gotten started so all it takes is me persevering through another year of dealing with customers and blowing everyone out of the water while I'm at it so that when the time comes I can move on to bigger and better and more enjoyable things. In the meantime I do my darnedest to help everyone to the best of my ability, keep calm, and leave work at work so I don't dwell on escalations or stupid mistakes. This week, thank goodness, has been a relatively slow week but from what I understand, next week is going to be hell so I'll enjoy the slowness while it lasts. All in all it's a nice preamble to a weekend home in Ohio with friends and family.
As previously stated in the blog before this one, Neal and I took a trip into New York City to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We awoke very early on Saturday morning to take the train into Grand Central. As neither of us is very familiar with the city we began to walk to the Met... a location that was a good 42 city blocks from Grand Central. An hour later we arrived, sweaty and exhausted, but excited to see what was inside. Due to the train schedule and the evening we planned with friends we only spent a couple of hours in the museum before taking a cab back to Grand Central. Both of us fell asleep on the train on the ride back, though after 42 city blocks that's really not surprising. The evening with our friends was great fun, the food was excellent, and we have pretty much been cemented into people's minds as a couple.
Speaking of Neal, he has now signed a lease to live in the same apartment building as me! He will be living right down the hall, which will make commuting to work a little cheaper gas-wise, and he also intends to pay for part of the cable bill so he doesn't need to get his own internet. Also, the fact that I referred him means that I only have to pay just over $400 for my August rent. The extra $200, plus the extra holiday pay I earned for working on Independence Day, and the shift differential earned by working after 5pm every day will give me enough money to buy some new tires for my car and a wedding present for my sister and her husband! As my friend Kenny so aptly put it, I'll be rolling in dough... till I buy the tires, of course.
Speaking of friends... Not too long ago, maybe a month or so, I realized that one of my good friends from back home had suddenly and mysteriously defriended me on Facebook for no apparent reason. He detagged all pictures in which he and I were both present as well. This left me very upset and rather angry because not two weeks prior he and I had been texting amicably about his upcoming visit in the middle of June. I sent a couple of texts to find out what was going on and received no response, so I wrote him off completely, figuring that he'd found some new girl and decided to forget me forever. Until last night. Last night I went on my final break for the day and pulled out my phone to find a text from said friend. Basically he wrote that he was sorry he hadn't gotten back to me and that he'd just gotten through a trying time with a girl who had issues with him talking to his ex-girlfriends and he'd had no idea she had done anything. He and I sent texts back and forth for awhile until I got the full picture: he had been friendly with this girl who found the last text conversation he and I had had and she went completely berserk, deleting all of his texts and my old phone number, getting into his facebook and defriending any girls he was too friendly with, myself included, changed his email and password on the account so he can't get into it at all, and never told him. When I realized I'd been defriended I sent a text asking about his visit in June and apparently she received the text, deleted it, and then told him I'd written saying I never wanted to see or hear from him again. He believed her until this past weekend when she told him God told her they should just be friends, that she had changed and defriended and deleted on his phone and account, and then refused to give him the new user name and password in order to save him from his moral discrepancies. Basically, she's a super-Christian, controlling, psycho maniac and I told my friend when he explained this to me that he needs a screening system for the girls he meets from now on. He's in the middle of an email war with Facebook in order to prove it really is his account and that someone else locked him out of it. But once he explained everything life was good again, we had a decently long conversation, I told him that I'd moved and that I have Neal now, and he may still come for a visit. All I can say is that I'm very, very glad I was never as ridiculous as that girl when I was 18, and Neal is thankful too (he heard the whole conversation, since I was in the car with him at the time). In my personal opinion, people like that should NOT exist, or if they do they should be put into a commune so they can be tyrannical with each other instead of the rest of us normal people.
Anyway, that's my life up to this point. I get to fly out to Ohio on Saturday morning for my sister's wedding and write a check to my best friend so she can pay for gas. I'll be visiting my brother so we can chat about Verizon plans and phones and deals, and also my friend Adam, who has been begging for a back massage since the day I moved here. Oh! And I've been invited to begin practicing with the Praise Team at my church! My schedule will make attendance interesting, but I'm going to do my best. :-) So except for my job, all is well with the world, and I really can't wait for Saturday....
So, life continues to press on. After next week I will be halfway through transition and, according to my supervisor, I am well on my way to being a leading customer service rep and, after that, a senior rep. After 6 months as a senior rep or so you can move into whatever other department you choose! I have a contact in the Human Resources department (she's the sister of one of my college professors! Small world!) and she told me that she would be more than happy to meet with me after I'm out of transition to discuss my career path. Even if I don't end up in HR, my main goal is to have a job where I deal with employees instead of customers, or where I don't have to talk on the phone at all. There are all kinds of opportunities with Verizon once you've gotten started so all it takes is me persevering through another year of dealing with customers and blowing everyone out of the water while I'm at it so that when the time comes I can move on to bigger and better and more enjoyable things. In the meantime I do my darnedest to help everyone to the best of my ability, keep calm, and leave work at work so I don't dwell on escalations or stupid mistakes. This week, thank goodness, has been a relatively slow week but from what I understand, next week is going to be hell so I'll enjoy the slowness while it lasts. All in all it's a nice preamble to a weekend home in Ohio with friends and family.
As previously stated in the blog before this one, Neal and I took a trip into New York City to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We awoke very early on Saturday morning to take the train into Grand Central. As neither of us is very familiar with the city we began to walk to the Met... a location that was a good 42 city blocks from Grand Central. An hour later we arrived, sweaty and exhausted, but excited to see what was inside. Due to the train schedule and the evening we planned with friends we only spent a couple of hours in the museum before taking a cab back to Grand Central. Both of us fell asleep on the train on the ride back, though after 42 city blocks that's really not surprising. The evening with our friends was great fun, the food was excellent, and we have pretty much been cemented into people's minds as a couple.
Speaking of Neal, he has now signed a lease to live in the same apartment building as me! He will be living right down the hall, which will make commuting to work a little cheaper gas-wise, and he also intends to pay for part of the cable bill so he doesn't need to get his own internet. Also, the fact that I referred him means that I only have to pay just over $400 for my August rent. The extra $200, plus the extra holiday pay I earned for working on Independence Day, and the shift differential earned by working after 5pm every day will give me enough money to buy some new tires for my car and a wedding present for my sister and her husband! As my friend Kenny so aptly put it, I'll be rolling in dough... till I buy the tires, of course.
Speaking of friends... Not too long ago, maybe a month or so, I realized that one of my good friends from back home had suddenly and mysteriously defriended me on Facebook for no apparent reason. He detagged all pictures in which he and I were both present as well. This left me very upset and rather angry because not two weeks prior he and I had been texting amicably about his upcoming visit in the middle of June. I sent a couple of texts to find out what was going on and received no response, so I wrote him off completely, figuring that he'd found some new girl and decided to forget me forever. Until last night. Last night I went on my final break for the day and pulled out my phone to find a text from said friend. Basically he wrote that he was sorry he hadn't gotten back to me and that he'd just gotten through a trying time with a girl who had issues with him talking to his ex-girlfriends and he'd had no idea she had done anything. He and I sent texts back and forth for awhile until I got the full picture: he had been friendly with this girl who found the last text conversation he and I had had and she went completely berserk, deleting all of his texts and my old phone number, getting into his facebook and defriending any girls he was too friendly with, myself included, changed his email and password on the account so he can't get into it at all, and never told him. When I realized I'd been defriended I sent a text asking about his visit in June and apparently she received the text, deleted it, and then told him I'd written saying I never wanted to see or hear from him again. He believed her until this past weekend when she told him God told her they should just be friends, that she had changed and defriended and deleted on his phone and account, and then refused to give him the new user name and password in order to save him from his moral discrepancies. Basically, she's a super-Christian, controlling, psycho maniac and I told my friend when he explained this to me that he needs a screening system for the girls he meets from now on. He's in the middle of an email war with Facebook in order to prove it really is his account and that someone else locked him out of it. But once he explained everything life was good again, we had a decently long conversation, I told him that I'd moved and that I have Neal now, and he may still come for a visit. All I can say is that I'm very, very glad I was never as ridiculous as that girl when I was 18, and Neal is thankful too (he heard the whole conversation, since I was in the car with him at the time). In my personal opinion, people like that should NOT exist, or if they do they should be put into a commune so they can be tyrannical with each other instead of the rest of us normal people.
Anyway, that's my life up to this point. I get to fly out to Ohio on Saturday morning for my sister's wedding and write a check to my best friend so she can pay for gas. I'll be visiting my brother so we can chat about Verizon plans and phones and deals, and also my friend Adam, who has been begging for a back massage since the day I moved here. Oh! And I've been invited to begin practicing with the Praise Team at my church! My schedule will make attendance interesting, but I'm going to do my best. :-) So except for my job, all is well with the world, and I really can't wait for Saturday....
Friday, June 26, 2009
Realizations and Reality
Something makes me think I've used that title before...
So far this week has been pretty amazing, although with each passing day my eagerness to do my job drops significantly. We spent four and a quarter hours on the phone today, and I only handled fifteen or so calls in that time. A good rep handles 48-52 calls in a single eight hour shift. I know I'm only in training, but sometimes it's really tempting to sit in call work until the time runs out so I don't have to speak to more customers than necessary. So many of the problems are identical, even if the people who call in about them aren't, and it gets monotonous. Today I spent an hour and a half on the phone walking a woman through registering for My Verizon and upgrading her phones so that she wouldn't have to call in later to ask what mistakes she made and why the second phone costs $69.99 when it originally said it was free. A different woman hung up on me. I really have no sympathy for her, though, because she's at the lowest possible price plan with the lowest possible minutes. The last time she called in she was offered save and loyalty plans and could have accepted it then. Prices were given, and she CHOSE the 300 minute Nationwide Basic and yet she felt the need to call in and complain that it was only a $5 difference for a 150 minute difference and we don't offer rollover minutes! She threatened with leaving for a different company, but in looking at her remarks I know all she wanted was the loyalty plans that suddenly sound much better now that she got her bill. There was so much I wanted to say to that woman... She's paying just over $40 a month for a phone. There are people who pay hundreds more than that who have legit reasons to call in whom we could be helping while this woman complains about a $5 difference. Basically people call customer service so we can take the blame for their mistakes.
And the point of my rant is to say that people are the reason I love and hate my job. The only reason I'm putting up with customer service is so I can pay for rent and eventually get my masters and move up to Human Resources where I only deal with employees. Much more my style than listening to the greater percentage of 80 million customers complain.
On a different note, my weekend is jam packed. Early Saturday morning Neal and I leave for New York City for the day and we will return that evening in time for dinner with friends from church! Apparently homemade egg rolls, games and a movie are also involved and I'm just a little excited. Then on Sunday I intend to clean my apartment, finally. I just haven't been home enough to do it lately and it desperately needs it. Living on your own definitely has its perks, but when it comes to fixing the toilet I really wish my dad were here.
Besides my job I'm enormously happy. Life is good, and God is greater.
So far this week has been pretty amazing, although with each passing day my eagerness to do my job drops significantly. We spent four and a quarter hours on the phone today, and I only handled fifteen or so calls in that time. A good rep handles 48-52 calls in a single eight hour shift. I know I'm only in training, but sometimes it's really tempting to sit in call work until the time runs out so I don't have to speak to more customers than necessary. So many of the problems are identical, even if the people who call in about them aren't, and it gets monotonous. Today I spent an hour and a half on the phone walking a woman through registering for My Verizon and upgrading her phones so that she wouldn't have to call in later to ask what mistakes she made and why the second phone costs $69.99 when it originally said it was free. A different woman hung up on me. I really have no sympathy for her, though, because she's at the lowest possible price plan with the lowest possible minutes. The last time she called in she was offered save and loyalty plans and could have accepted it then. Prices were given, and she CHOSE the 300 minute Nationwide Basic and yet she felt the need to call in and complain that it was only a $5 difference for a 150 minute difference and we don't offer rollover minutes! She threatened with leaving for a different company, but in looking at her remarks I know all she wanted was the loyalty plans that suddenly sound much better now that she got her bill. There was so much I wanted to say to that woman... She's paying just over $40 a month for a phone. There are people who pay hundreds more than that who have legit reasons to call in whom we could be helping while this woman complains about a $5 difference. Basically people call customer service so we can take the blame for their mistakes.
And the point of my rant is to say that people are the reason I love and hate my job. The only reason I'm putting up with customer service is so I can pay for rent and eventually get my masters and move up to Human Resources where I only deal with employees. Much more my style than listening to the greater percentage of 80 million customers complain.
On a different note, my weekend is jam packed. Early Saturday morning Neal and I leave for New York City for the day and we will return that evening in time for dinner with friends from church! Apparently homemade egg rolls, games and a movie are also involved and I'm just a little excited. Then on Sunday I intend to clean my apartment, finally. I just haven't been home enough to do it lately and it desperately needs it. Living on your own definitely has its perks, but when it comes to fixing the toilet I really wish my dad were here.
Besides my job I'm enormously happy. Life is good, and God is greater.
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