Hey hey, world! It's Wednesday already, which is amazing in and of itself. Life passes by so quickly, sometimes, and sometimes it feels like you're going nowhere when in fact you've gone further than many thought you ever would.
My week has been fraught with all kinds of craziness. Sunday, which I was so looking forward to, was clouded by rain and the discovery of the death of a girl with whom I attended college. I checked my Facebook (something I can do easily from my new phone) to find status updates about Amy Adams, many of them asking for prayer and wishing that she rest in peace... Not being in the loop anymore, I messaged and sent texts until I found out the truth of her death, information that left me completely lethargic with grief. More than anything I wanted to play the piano but had, unfortunately, left my music at home so I wrote my sisters begging for one of them to please, please scan some music and send it to me! One of them did, finally, but a few days late. Even though I didn't know Amy well, the death of a 20 year old who was thriving and well and wonderful the last time I saw her is a major blow and a huge tragedy. As one friend put it, "The whole school is quiet". Suddenly the worries of my life didn't mean so much anymore. The joy of finding the books I wanted, the annoyance of driving so far to get where I need to be, the indignation of not being fully understood by many of the people I see on a daily basis... none of that really mattered much anymore. Because Amy's death was a tragedy, something that could have been prevented. She was probably looking forward to a hike that day with her boyfriend, a way to lessen the stress of finals, not knowing what would happen. It could have happened to any of us. And out of everyone it happened to, it had to be Amy. Like I said, I didn't know her well, but what I did know was this: she was kind, loving, funny (in her own, quiet way), and passionate about the people in her life and her relationship with God. Out of all the people on this earth, God took Amy, and only he knows why. But that's what my Sunday became, and I fed my grief with a movie and some reading and it lasted through the following day.
Work this week has been SO boring. Monday gave us a new trainer, as we have someone new every week, and it has become very hard to stay interested. Though to some it may look like ignorance, my problem is that it's hard for me to retain information that I care nothing about. We discussed ESNs yesterday (electronic serial numbers) and it was extensive and unalterably boring. When time came to do a group activity, I had to have the trainer repeat the instructions a few times before I began to comprehend exactly what we were doing and even then I lost my train of thought. To some I may look incredibly slow and stupid, but I knew it was because the information left me in a stupor of boredom. Today, on the other hand, we discussed texting and I had slept well for once and felt pretty good and was answering questions left and right and on the top of my game. If anyone thought I was stupid yesterday, they didn't think that today. Most likely it was because 1. I was in an unalterably good mood today for no apparent reason, 2. it was a subject I knew much about and 3. I was afraid of being seen as stupid and was making a valiant effort to stay aware. The benefit is that I learned something new today that I didn't know about texting and it's something I want everyone to try. If you have texting, dial in the number 46645 (or GOOGL, aka google without the E) and type in a question. An area code, a math problem, the location of a place where you can buy a soccer ball... and within moments Google will text you back with the answer. It's amazing! I asked it for places to buy a guitar and it sent me a reply in three separate texts! So everyone should try it, it's cheaper than calling 411 (which costs $1.49 every time. Texting is merely $0.20 to get and recieve, unless you have a text bundle already in which case overage is $0.10. With Verizon, that is) and probably faster too!
See the kind of amazing things one can learn when employed at Verizon Wireless? And it's something I can tell you because it's common knowledge already released to the public, which may not always be the case.
Beyond work and church (which was amazing, yet again) there is the subject of my friendships. On Monday one of my work friends informed me that my problem is that I'm too nice. We were informed before leaving for the day that we'd be assigned new seats the following day. While I could care less whom I sit next to, one of my friends cared very much. That friend is the one who told me I'm too nice. She also told me that she sees me as a country girl in a big world. What's amusing to me about that comment is that everyone in CT who has never visited Ohio automatically considers the whole state of Ohio 'country'. Though I'm a small town girl, I am not a country girl. It's also amusing because people in the small town told me I belong in the city. This leads me to wonder where I really belong. I do NOT belong in a suburb. I really don't belong in Connecticut, to be completely honest.
I discussed the country girl comment with another girl in my class today and she completely disagreed. She said she'd had me pegged as a free spirit, a love everyone, peaceful, hippie kind of person, which, for the most part, I am. She also admires me for my bravery of moving away from the State in which I've always lived to work in an entirely new place. Adventurous, she called me. I've gotten that a lot lately, and I suppose that in a way I am. Moving to an unfamiliar place doesn't seem like adventure to me, but that's just a matter of opinion. I will admit, however, that it's nice to see not everyone from Connecticut thinks I'm a dixie chick.
One thing I will say is that living here in a place where no one knows me at all is refreshing in that I can be entirely myself. That year I spent unemployed and working at the preschool really taught me a lot about who I am, so much so that I can come to a new place and not be altered by the people I meet like the me of old would have. It's a mervelous feeling to know you're set in who you are and to be content with that person.
However, I do know that Connecticut is not my destiny. After a year of work is under my belt I intend to move to Washington State. From the music I've heard and the books I've read that come from people out there, I'll fit in quite nicely. Boy, wouldn't that be a welcome change!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Life Gets Interesting...
I have found an apartment.
Because things are so slow for my aunt at her job due to the amazing economy, which is doing oh so well right now I might add, she has spent the past few days looking online for apartments for me. When I came home from work on Friday my aunt, uncle and cousin were all leaving for soccer practice and she told me as they were jetting out of here that she called an apartment place and we were going to see it tomorrow (today). I'm like, uh, okay... and they left. So I ate alone at the diner downtown yet again, which wasn't so terrible because I had a book and some good food (lemon cake with creamy frosting and raspberry filling and powdered sugar...) and two hours later returned to the house just before the rest of them. When they arrived my aunt told me all about the apartment she had found. It's in a town that is merely six exits off of I-91 from my job, which is amazing, and it's a studio apartment. The first month is completely free, but I can spread that month over the twelve month lease and it makes my rent a mere $610 and some change, not including utilities. If I'm green about my utility use, I can keep that payment down to about $60-80 so that makes for super cheap rent, comparitively. We saw the apartment today. It's in a beautiful location with an exceptionally nice landlady and apparently a bunch of other single females live there as well and feel completely safe. I can definitely see myself living there, too. The other places I checked out didn't feel quite right to me, but this one... this one fits. I'm on the third floor on the end, so I have an extra window and only one direct neighbor.
If this works, that's a photo of the outside of the apartment. Every apartment has a deck, along with some extra storage space. There's a closet the moment you walk in the front door just before the kitchen. The bathroom is directly off the kitchen. Continue walking down the short hallway and you'll get to the main room, which, due to the door to the balcony, is probably close to the size of my room back home. I've already had a million ideas of what I can do to the place with the stuff I have and I'm really, really excited.
Again, if this works, this is a picture of the door to the balcony and the gorgeous tree that graces my view. I intend to grow flowers out there and have a semi-comfortable chair to sit on so I can read out there on warm nights. Over all, it's a beautiful place and I'm really, really super excited! I go to sign the lease on May 27th after work and can move in directly after that! And that's perfect because it gives me a month to stock up on the stuff I need, like a shower curtain and bath towels and pots and pans.
Tomorrow is church again, and I'm making a visit to the Book Barn. West Haven isn't terribly far from Niantic so it should be a decently short drive and a long afternoon of buying books that i don't necessarily need. My idea of the perfect day, in other words.
I have two weeks of work under my belt now and some pretty good friendships. I sit with the same general group of people every day, a group that includes my friend Brandy, a woman named Dawn, and a bunch of guys, Neal, Dan, Dave, Edwin, and Michael. After awhile Jeff joins us as well. Mostly I spend all of lunch listening to the opinions of everyone else in the group without saying anything because I can never get a word in edgewise. It reminds me of family dinners back home (no offense, family, I love you all!). However, this past Friday Neal and I took a trip out to Starbucks (which made us five minutes late after lunch, but it was my first ever offense and I intend to never make that mistake again) and on that little drive Neal informed me that I am one of the most interesting people he's ever met. I find that hard to believe, since I think I'm really boring, but it's probably more because I'm a very different kind of person than everyone else in the class. It might also be because I'm very set in who I am as a person and I don't allow my position or the people who surround me affect that decision. In fact, any time any of my friends at work talks about someone else in the class when that person isn't there, I purposefully don't join in the conversation or settle it by saying that people are who they are and I won't judge them for it and I like everyone in the class anyway so end of story. I'm actually kind of proud of myself, because I do tend to lean in the direction of gossip sometimes, but never at my job. Almost everyone there is aware of my position as a Christian and I really don't want to be considered one of those Christians who are just like everyone else. I'm doing my best, but it's going to be a long haul.
So, anyway, that's where I am right now. I'm really excited about church and having the day to myself tomorrow. Not that I'm eager to get away from the relatives because I'm not. Now that the initial awkwardness has evaporated living here is easy and actually kind of fun. The four of us played pig tonight out in the driveway in the dark! Tons of fun, especially with a black basketball...
Peace.
Because things are so slow for my aunt at her job due to the amazing economy, which is doing oh so well right now I might add, she has spent the past few days looking online for apartments for me. When I came home from work on Friday my aunt, uncle and cousin were all leaving for soccer practice and she told me as they were jetting out of here that she called an apartment place and we were going to see it tomorrow (today). I'm like, uh, okay... and they left. So I ate alone at the diner downtown yet again, which wasn't so terrible because I had a book and some good food (lemon cake with creamy frosting and raspberry filling and powdered sugar...) and two hours later returned to the house just before the rest of them. When they arrived my aunt told me all about the apartment she had found. It's in a town that is merely six exits off of I-91 from my job, which is amazing, and it's a studio apartment. The first month is completely free, but I can spread that month over the twelve month lease and it makes my rent a mere $610 and some change, not including utilities. If I'm green about my utility use, I can keep that payment down to about $60-80 so that makes for super cheap rent, comparitively. We saw the apartment today. It's in a beautiful location with an exceptionally nice landlady and apparently a bunch of other single females live there as well and feel completely safe. I can definitely see myself living there, too. The other places I checked out didn't feel quite right to me, but this one... this one fits. I'm on the third floor on the end, so I have an extra window and only one direct neighbor.
If this works, that's a photo of the outside of the apartment. Every apartment has a deck, along with some extra storage space. There's a closet the moment you walk in the front door just before the kitchen. The bathroom is directly off the kitchen. Continue walking down the short hallway and you'll get to the main room, which, due to the door to the balcony, is probably close to the size of my room back home. I've already had a million ideas of what I can do to the place with the stuff I have and I'm really, really excited.
Again, if this works, this is a picture of the door to the balcony and the gorgeous tree that graces my view. I intend to grow flowers out there and have a semi-comfortable chair to sit on so I can read out there on warm nights. Over all, it's a beautiful place and I'm really, really super excited! I go to sign the lease on May 27th after work and can move in directly after that! And that's perfect because it gives me a month to stock up on the stuff I need, like a shower curtain and bath towels and pots and pans.
Tomorrow is church again, and I'm making a visit to the Book Barn. West Haven isn't terribly far from Niantic so it should be a decently short drive and a long afternoon of buying books that i don't necessarily need. My idea of the perfect day, in other words.
I have two weeks of work under my belt now and some pretty good friendships. I sit with the same general group of people every day, a group that includes my friend Brandy, a woman named Dawn, and a bunch of guys, Neal, Dan, Dave, Edwin, and Michael. After awhile Jeff joins us as well. Mostly I spend all of lunch listening to the opinions of everyone else in the group without saying anything because I can never get a word in edgewise. It reminds me of family dinners back home (no offense, family, I love you all!). However, this past Friday Neal and I took a trip out to Starbucks (which made us five minutes late after lunch, but it was my first ever offense and I intend to never make that mistake again) and on that little drive Neal informed me that I am one of the most interesting people he's ever met. I find that hard to believe, since I think I'm really boring, but it's probably more because I'm a very different kind of person than everyone else in the class. It might also be because I'm very set in who I am as a person and I don't allow my position or the people who surround me affect that decision. In fact, any time any of my friends at work talks about someone else in the class when that person isn't there, I purposefully don't join in the conversation or settle it by saying that people are who they are and I won't judge them for it and I like everyone in the class anyway so end of story. I'm actually kind of proud of myself, because I do tend to lean in the direction of gossip sometimes, but never at my job. Almost everyone there is aware of my position as a Christian and I really don't want to be considered one of those Christians who are just like everyone else. I'm doing my best, but it's going to be a long haul.
So, anyway, that's where I am right now. I'm really excited about church and having the day to myself tomorrow. Not that I'm eager to get away from the relatives because I'm not. Now that the initial awkwardness has evaporated living here is easy and actually kind of fun. The four of us played pig tonight out in the driveway in the dark! Tons of fun, especially with a black basketball...
Peace.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Week One, New Friends, and other News
I found a church!!! On my way home from a day trip to Boston (when you live in CT you can take those) I googled "Vineyard churches Connecticut" on my phone and discovered two Vineyard churches. Since I know quite a few people who attend the Vineyard church back home and have attended on occasion myself I knew that it would be similar to my home church. The closest one of the two churches that popped up was down in West Haven, a good fifty minute drive from where I am. The drive doesn't bother me, since I know I'll be moving south of Hartford soon enough and therefore be closer to the church.
The moment I walked in the front door I was greeted by the pastor's wife, who proceeded to ask me questions and introduced me to everyone that walked through the doors. Before service began I had found a girl close to my age who is originally from Illinois and sat near me during the service. after service they have a fellowship time with food and coffee, and my new acquaintence allowed me to follow her around and introduced me to two other girls and their husbands and before I knew it I had been invited to lunch! On the whole this was an entirely different experience than the church last week and I loved every moment of it.
As aforementioned, I spent Saturday in Boston with a good friend of mine. I arrived around 11:30am and called my friend to tell him I had arrived and accidentally woke him up. Apparently he'd been at his parent's 25th anniversary party until 4am. Even so, he managed to wake up and we took off for food and then to take the train into downtown Boston. J'ADORE Boston!!! The train reminded me very much of Chicago, which was fun, and for the first hour or two we wandered through the Boston Common which was absolutely packed due to the beautiful weather. The rest of the day was spent walking the Freedom Line, a path that takes you to every possible important historical building or graveyard in the city. I saw the Old North Church, the Old State House, the location of the Boston so-called Massacre, walked past Paul Revere's house without even seeing it, and went to two graveyards to see the tombstones of famous people like Mother Goose and Samuel Adams. We did deviate from the path to get some Italian food at this amazing restaurant called Al Dente, but for the most part we walked what felt like miles and just talked about everything and anything. So pretty much, I just had the perfect weekend.
Well, almost.
I discovered that I still can't get a library card. Unless I have an official document to prove I live here I can't get one. One of the other librarians had told me I could bring in any envelope with my name and current address on it and I could get a card, but it's not so. So I'm still stuck without a card and highly annoyed about it.
Other than the above, I finished my first week and work and still like my job! I know, who knew, right? I really enjoy the people I work with, one of whom is actively helping me find apartments, another who claims she would hook me up with one of her fiances friends if any of them were single, and another who is just absolutely hilarious. There isn't a single person in my training class that I don't enjoy talking to, and that's really saying something. We've finally passed the boring stage of the job and have finally begun to learn the things that will really matter, like the intricacies of various phone plans and where to find information about phone accessories on the intranet. Supposedly we'll be on overload by the end of seven weeks but that's awhile from now.
One thing about my new life here that I suppose is a good thing is that I find other things to do besides sitting at my computer checking facebook and chatting because internet isn't readily available.
At some point in the future I will be posting pictures on this blog as well, but we'll see how long it takes before that happens.
The moment I walked in the front door I was greeted by the pastor's wife, who proceeded to ask me questions and introduced me to everyone that walked through the doors. Before service began I had found a girl close to my age who is originally from Illinois and sat near me during the service. after service they have a fellowship time with food and coffee, and my new acquaintence allowed me to follow her around and introduced me to two other girls and their husbands and before I knew it I had been invited to lunch! On the whole this was an entirely different experience than the church last week and I loved every moment of it.
As aforementioned, I spent Saturday in Boston with a good friend of mine. I arrived around 11:30am and called my friend to tell him I had arrived and accidentally woke him up. Apparently he'd been at his parent's 25th anniversary party until 4am. Even so, he managed to wake up and we took off for food and then to take the train into downtown Boston. J'ADORE Boston!!! The train reminded me very much of Chicago, which was fun, and for the first hour or two we wandered through the Boston Common which was absolutely packed due to the beautiful weather. The rest of the day was spent walking the Freedom Line, a path that takes you to every possible important historical building or graveyard in the city. I saw the Old North Church, the Old State House, the location of the Boston so-called Massacre, walked past Paul Revere's house without even seeing it, and went to two graveyards to see the tombstones of famous people like Mother Goose and Samuel Adams. We did deviate from the path to get some Italian food at this amazing restaurant called Al Dente, but for the most part we walked what felt like miles and just talked about everything and anything. So pretty much, I just had the perfect weekend.
Well, almost.
I discovered that I still can't get a library card. Unless I have an official document to prove I live here I can't get one. One of the other librarians had told me I could bring in any envelope with my name and current address on it and I could get a card, but it's not so. So I'm still stuck without a card and highly annoyed about it.
Other than the above, I finished my first week and work and still like my job! I know, who knew, right? I really enjoy the people I work with, one of whom is actively helping me find apartments, another who claims she would hook me up with one of her fiances friends if any of them were single, and another who is just absolutely hilarious. There isn't a single person in my training class that I don't enjoy talking to, and that's really saying something. We've finally passed the boring stage of the job and have finally begun to learn the things that will really matter, like the intricacies of various phone plans and where to find information about phone accessories on the intranet. Supposedly we'll be on overload by the end of seven weeks but that's awhile from now.
One thing about my new life here that I suppose is a good thing is that I find other things to do besides sitting at my computer checking facebook and chatting because internet isn't readily available.
At some point in the future I will be posting pictures on this blog as well, but we'll see how long it takes before that happens.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A Whole New World... finally!!
So, until now, this blog has just been a place for me to throw my deep thoughts out into the void, but I've decided that the name is very appropriate for my life at present. I chose the name "Until I'm Home" as a reference to life until I'm home in heaven having a rocking party with Jesus and it can still mean that to an extent, but I've discovered another way it applies to my life. This is the blog I will use until I've found a true home, away from the house of my parents and the comfort of the world in which I once lived. So, when taken that way, I will use this blog "until I'm home".
I finally moved away from home. Though I've dreamed about it for an extremely long time, when the time came to actually physically move out of my parent's house up to my aunt and uncle's in Connecticut, I was absolutely petrified. It wasn't just the moving that scared me, though. It was also the thought of driving ten hours all alone with nothing but music and 1/3 of my possessions packed into the back of my car. But, as everyone has said to me, it's an adventure, and it's one that I've wanted to take for as long as I can remember.
Once I got to CT it wasn't so bad. It wasn't the first time I'd stayed in my room at my uncle's house so it was almost like coming home. I drove up on a Saturday and woke up very, very early for church at Trinity Methodist. Their contemporary service was at 8:15am, SO much earlier than I'm used to! I wore jeans to service which at my home church isn't a big deal, but I felt like I was being judged for my choice of clothing the moment I walked in the door and saw dresses, slacks, and three-piece suits. Only three people willingly spoke to me, all of whom were far older than myself, one of whom was the pastor. Only after the pastor spoke to me and discovered that my grandfather usually attended the church and that I'm from Ohio did the man in front of my turn around to tell me that he and his wife were both originally from Ohio and went to Ohio State. Their children have been trained to love Ohio State, a fact that made me groan inside a little because I had hoped that by moving away I'd escape that madness. However, because barely anyone spoke to me and because I nearly fell asleep during what I'm sure was a beautifully worded sermon, I won't be going back to that church.
After church I took a tour of the town, finding the library and looking for as many historical houses I could find. It's a beautiful town, not unlike where I moved from though far larger. The downside is that it's a thirty minute drive to my work directly through the heart of downtown Hartford. Due to the horrid commute I am searching desperately for an apartment that is cheap enough for me to rent. Or a roommate. I thought I'd be able to find a roomie at work, but all the females in my training class either live with someone, have children, or are married. Only the guys need roommates and, quite honestly, having grown up with sisters I'm really not prepared to live with a male, nor would I feel comfortable doing so.
My first day on the job was interesting. Within the first fifteen minutes, just as we were about to introduce ourselves, the fire alarm went off and we spent our first hour of orientation standing in the freezing cold parking lot. Talk about a warm welcome! However, it was not a drill (somehow I doubt they would schedule a drill on the same day as new hire orientation). The Verizon Call Center I work for houses a switch, aka the equipment that makes cell phones work, and the moment there's smoke they shut down that area of the building, suck all the oxygen out of it, evacuate the building and the fire trucks come to pry open doors and find out what made the smoke. After that little mishap the rest of the day was exceptionally boring, although I made friends with all the people sitting around me and had a fun group conversation during my lunch break. Overall it's a marvelous place to work and the only thing I don't like is the annoyingly long and very early morning drive I have to make to get there. Due to company policy I can't blog about anything that goes on at my job in detail so all I will say is that so far I'm really enjoying myself. But, then again, today is only the first day of the information overload we will endure for the next seven weeks so my enjoyment may not last.
So far I really like Connecticut. I don't think I'll be staying here for the rest of my life, but as far as I can tell I will really like working for Verizon and will probably stay with the company for an extremely long time, if not in the Northeast. It's weird to realize that I'm out working in the real world away from everything I've ever known and I would be terrified if I didn't work with a group of 23 exceptionally nice and friendly people. I have not yet met a person that I don't like, but then again, I always try to find the good in people and make an effort to like them no matter what. It's an interesting crowd of people I work with, from single mothers to homosexuals to the unmarried mid-twenties bracket like myself. But no matter how different the twenty-three of us are, so far we all like each other and have a really great time for the eight hours we spend in that training room.
Apart from my new job I haven't done much. The commute gives me little extra time to spend doing anything else other than showering, sleeping and eating, though I have made it to the library. Really the library is the only place where I can go to use the internet. Unfortunately they won't let you get a card unless you have legal proof of residency so I have to pay a dollar for an hours time on the internet, but that is just enough time to check email, look up whatever I need on Google, and write in this here blog. Since it's only my fourth day living here I don't have much to say yet, but I will say that it's a whole new world I've been tossed into and it's very close to the change I've always waited for.
This weekend I have plans to visit my friend John up in Boston for all of Saturday. I've never been to Boston, so I'm really rather excited and might just throw some tea into Boston Harbor just for the heck of it. I hear recreating experiences helps with remembering the crazy history of our country. ;) I'm looking forward to spending some time with a good, Christian friend (none of the people I work with are really what you would call Christian, so far as I know) so Saturday will be a breath of fresh, smog-filled air.
That's all I have so far! I can't promise this blog will be frequently updated, but I'll do my best.
I finally moved away from home. Though I've dreamed about it for an extremely long time, when the time came to actually physically move out of my parent's house up to my aunt and uncle's in Connecticut, I was absolutely petrified. It wasn't just the moving that scared me, though. It was also the thought of driving ten hours all alone with nothing but music and 1/3 of my possessions packed into the back of my car. But, as everyone has said to me, it's an adventure, and it's one that I've wanted to take for as long as I can remember.
Once I got to CT it wasn't so bad. It wasn't the first time I'd stayed in my room at my uncle's house so it was almost like coming home. I drove up on a Saturday and woke up very, very early for church at Trinity Methodist. Their contemporary service was at 8:15am, SO much earlier than I'm used to! I wore jeans to service which at my home church isn't a big deal, but I felt like I was being judged for my choice of clothing the moment I walked in the door and saw dresses, slacks, and three-piece suits. Only three people willingly spoke to me, all of whom were far older than myself, one of whom was the pastor. Only after the pastor spoke to me and discovered that my grandfather usually attended the church and that I'm from Ohio did the man in front of my turn around to tell me that he and his wife were both originally from Ohio and went to Ohio State. Their children have been trained to love Ohio State, a fact that made me groan inside a little because I had hoped that by moving away I'd escape that madness. However, because barely anyone spoke to me and because I nearly fell asleep during what I'm sure was a beautifully worded sermon, I won't be going back to that church.
After church I took a tour of the town, finding the library and looking for as many historical houses I could find. It's a beautiful town, not unlike where I moved from though far larger. The downside is that it's a thirty minute drive to my work directly through the heart of downtown Hartford. Due to the horrid commute I am searching desperately for an apartment that is cheap enough for me to rent. Or a roommate. I thought I'd be able to find a roomie at work, but all the females in my training class either live with someone, have children, or are married. Only the guys need roommates and, quite honestly, having grown up with sisters I'm really not prepared to live with a male, nor would I feel comfortable doing so.
My first day on the job was interesting. Within the first fifteen minutes, just as we were about to introduce ourselves, the fire alarm went off and we spent our first hour of orientation standing in the freezing cold parking lot. Talk about a warm welcome! However, it was not a drill (somehow I doubt they would schedule a drill on the same day as new hire orientation). The Verizon Call Center I work for houses a switch, aka the equipment that makes cell phones work, and the moment there's smoke they shut down that area of the building, suck all the oxygen out of it, evacuate the building and the fire trucks come to pry open doors and find out what made the smoke. After that little mishap the rest of the day was exceptionally boring, although I made friends with all the people sitting around me and had a fun group conversation during my lunch break. Overall it's a marvelous place to work and the only thing I don't like is the annoyingly long and very early morning drive I have to make to get there. Due to company policy I can't blog about anything that goes on at my job in detail so all I will say is that so far I'm really enjoying myself. But, then again, today is only the first day of the information overload we will endure for the next seven weeks so my enjoyment may not last.
So far I really like Connecticut. I don't think I'll be staying here for the rest of my life, but as far as I can tell I will really like working for Verizon and will probably stay with the company for an extremely long time, if not in the Northeast. It's weird to realize that I'm out working in the real world away from everything I've ever known and I would be terrified if I didn't work with a group of 23 exceptionally nice and friendly people. I have not yet met a person that I don't like, but then again, I always try to find the good in people and make an effort to like them no matter what. It's an interesting crowd of people I work with, from single mothers to homosexuals to the unmarried mid-twenties bracket like myself. But no matter how different the twenty-three of us are, so far we all like each other and have a really great time for the eight hours we spend in that training room.
Apart from my new job I haven't done much. The commute gives me little extra time to spend doing anything else other than showering, sleeping and eating, though I have made it to the library. Really the library is the only place where I can go to use the internet. Unfortunately they won't let you get a card unless you have legal proof of residency so I have to pay a dollar for an hours time on the internet, but that is just enough time to check email, look up whatever I need on Google, and write in this here blog. Since it's only my fourth day living here I don't have much to say yet, but I will say that it's a whole new world I've been tossed into and it's very close to the change I've always waited for.
This weekend I have plans to visit my friend John up in Boston for all of Saturday. I've never been to Boston, so I'm really rather excited and might just throw some tea into Boston Harbor just for the heck of it. I hear recreating experiences helps with remembering the crazy history of our country. ;) I'm looking forward to spending some time with a good, Christian friend (none of the people I work with are really what you would call Christian, so far as I know) so Saturday will be a breath of fresh, smog-filled air.
That's all I have so far! I can't promise this blog will be frequently updated, but I'll do my best.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Self-Esteem
It's odd, really, how quickly the critical eye can change. A mere week ago, I saw myself in the mirror and marveled at how thin and fit I looked and felt rather good about myself. Now, not seven days later, I see my reflection and think how on earth did I get so fat so quickly?? And the oddest part is that the reflection changes according to which surface I see it. For example: here, in the bathroom mirror, I look horribly stout. In my bedroom full length I'm not bad, but not great. In the window at the rec center right after a workout I look amazing.
I take it back, that isn't the oddest part. Really it's the fact that I weigh less now than I did as a senior in high school and just as much as I did at the beginning of my senior year of college but somehow I look bigger to myself. I can still fit into the jeans I bought in Chicago two and a half years ago, my shirts are all a size small or extra small and yet...
I credit it to a mixture of self-esteem and the way I was raised. For my entire life I have been naturally thin. I recall bragging to my mother sometime in middle school about how I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight. My mom told replied by telling me I should watch what I eat because it would catch up with me later.
She was right.
However, what I remember now is that I spent my childhood and adolescence running through the backyard with my neighbors, climbing trees, riding my bike, running track and walking nearly every place I wanted to go. Now I'm not so active. I don't even play in the snow because of how much I hate to be cold. Therefore, I blame this problem on a lack of activity. My job includes a significant amount of time sitting but is also very stressful so by the time I'm home all I want to do is relax. More sitting. Were I still as active as I was in my childhood I feel confident that I would not have a problem with my outer image.
What have I learned from this time of reflection?
A treadmill at Walmart is only $500.
I take it back, that isn't the oddest part. Really it's the fact that I weigh less now than I did as a senior in high school and just as much as I did at the beginning of my senior year of college but somehow I look bigger to myself. I can still fit into the jeans I bought in Chicago two and a half years ago, my shirts are all a size small or extra small and yet...
I credit it to a mixture of self-esteem and the way I was raised. For my entire life I have been naturally thin. I recall bragging to my mother sometime in middle school about how I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight. My mom told replied by telling me I should watch what I eat because it would catch up with me later.
She was right.
However, what I remember now is that I spent my childhood and adolescence running through the backyard with my neighbors, climbing trees, riding my bike, running track and walking nearly every place I wanted to go. Now I'm not so active. I don't even play in the snow because of how much I hate to be cold. Therefore, I blame this problem on a lack of activity. My job includes a significant amount of time sitting but is also very stressful so by the time I'm home all I want to do is relax. More sitting. Were I still as active as I was in my childhood I feel confident that I would not have a problem with my outer image.
What have I learned from this time of reflection?
A treadmill at Walmart is only $500.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Oh, if wishes were quarters...
For once in my life, I wish I were exceptional.
Most of the time I’m content with being me, a one of a kind girl with a sprinkle of talent in those fields where it’s necessary to be absolutely superlative, but today…
I’ve never really seen myself as anything much. What with a family of over-achievers, each of them phenomenal at what they do best, I spent my life feeling that I had to succeed in what I could through nothing but the strength of my own self-sufficiency or be ignored completely. Even with the things I knew I did best I refused most forms of training, believing I was good enough without, a decision I regret very much, now that I’m here. Though I can pick up nearly any instrument and learn the basics of how to play it, there isn’t one in which I excel. Though I can sing, I never learned how to do so properly and often hurt myself trying. Though I’m pretty enough for jazz, I’ll never match up to models or movie stars or ballerinas. Though I can draw, there is always someone better. Though I can write, I rarely finish what I begin, frustrated with whatever attempt I make after reading the work of someone truly great. Though I can act, I know I’ll never be a professional. I spent so much time doing only what was necessary to get by that I never stopped to realize where it would put me.
It isn’t until a rainy day that you realize that you missed out on what was really important. It’s been a long time coming, this realization that the bare minimum leads directly to a dead end. Here I sit, a college graduate with a less-than-average paycheck, working a part-time job in a town whose aspirations lead directly to nowhere, wishing and yearning for a different life. Stupid mistakes, hasty decisions, this is the only place they lead. Usually I can put on a happy face, make everyone believe my life is a-okay, but behind that mask I’m screaming.
Do you ever feel you’ve been completely abandoned? That the friends you once knew don’t really give a damn, that no one wants to hire you because you didn’t try hard enough, that the first plane to anywhere seems like the best idea yet? Does it feel like everything you’re good at means nothing in the Real World? I would give so much to leave the world I know behind, to turn off my phone and go someplace where no one knows me, where they speak a different language, where I can start all over and learn what it means to be myself… But somehow I know that it wouldn’t solve my problems. I’d still be poor, I’d still be lonely, and I still wouldn’t be satisfied.
Yes, I know what will satisfy my thirst to mean something to someone, anyone, and though I know how to get there, it’s a really tough road.
It’s just that sometimes, I wish I were exceptional.
Most of the time I’m content with being me, a one of a kind girl with a sprinkle of talent in those fields where it’s necessary to be absolutely superlative, but today…
I’ve never really seen myself as anything much. What with a family of over-achievers, each of them phenomenal at what they do best, I spent my life feeling that I had to succeed in what I could through nothing but the strength of my own self-sufficiency or be ignored completely. Even with the things I knew I did best I refused most forms of training, believing I was good enough without, a decision I regret very much, now that I’m here. Though I can pick up nearly any instrument and learn the basics of how to play it, there isn’t one in which I excel. Though I can sing, I never learned how to do so properly and often hurt myself trying. Though I’m pretty enough for jazz, I’ll never match up to models or movie stars or ballerinas. Though I can draw, there is always someone better. Though I can write, I rarely finish what I begin, frustrated with whatever attempt I make after reading the work of someone truly great. Though I can act, I know I’ll never be a professional. I spent so much time doing only what was necessary to get by that I never stopped to realize where it would put me.
It isn’t until a rainy day that you realize that you missed out on what was really important. It’s been a long time coming, this realization that the bare minimum leads directly to a dead end. Here I sit, a college graduate with a less-than-average paycheck, working a part-time job in a town whose aspirations lead directly to nowhere, wishing and yearning for a different life. Stupid mistakes, hasty decisions, this is the only place they lead. Usually I can put on a happy face, make everyone believe my life is a-okay, but behind that mask I’m screaming.
Do you ever feel you’ve been completely abandoned? That the friends you once knew don’t really give a damn, that no one wants to hire you because you didn’t try hard enough, that the first plane to anywhere seems like the best idea yet? Does it feel like everything you’re good at means nothing in the Real World? I would give so much to leave the world I know behind, to turn off my phone and go someplace where no one knows me, where they speak a different language, where I can start all over and learn what it means to be myself… But somehow I know that it wouldn’t solve my problems. I’d still be poor, I’d still be lonely, and I still wouldn’t be satisfied.
Yes, I know what will satisfy my thirst to mean something to someone, anyone, and though I know how to get there, it’s a really tough road.
It’s just that sometimes, I wish I were exceptional.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Sickness
It's amazing how paranoid a preschool job can make a person. I'm terrified of getting the stomach flu, especially since my sister has it and yesterday one of the kids threw up on the table. Twice. So I find myself wide awake at 4:30am not feeling sick, but afraid of going back to sleep because I could get sick. I've never had the stomach flu in my life, but more than anything I don't want to get it now. I need the money too much to be that sick. It's silly, and it may be a worthless worry but it's there. I am now afraid of picking up the children for fear they'll throw up on me. My job is going to get very interesting.
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